4 Carry on Wayward Road, the Web We Weave
by skyyador
Summary: I'm not sure where this story will take us in the lives of the Winchester boys, I'll be discovering it along with anyone who reads it. I'm sure it will have trigger warnings, at least mentions of abuse, suicide, self injury, rape, possibly detailed. Let's see where the road takes us! EDITED for minor corrections and paragraph length
1. Chapter 1

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 1

"HMMM." said Dean.

"Hmmph." replied Sam.

The boys stood at the edge of the grass where it met the sand. They were looking out over the white sandy beach and seemingly endless water that faded into the sky. The water was a deep blue with small white waves moving back and forth leaving ripples in their paths.

The sky was clear, the sun shining down, threatening to leave soon, to give the sky to the moon. Birds flying around overhead. Everything seemed quiet except the cawing of the birds and the splashing of the waves. The whole scenario started making the boys feel a little uncomfortable. The silence had gotten long.

"Well, Sammy boy, we made it to the beach."

Dean couldn't help but sound proud of himself for keeping his promise.

"Yeah, yeah we did." Sam was questioning why he chose the beach.

"soooo…." Dean wasn't sure what they were doing there either.

"Soo, what do we do now?"

"I don't know Sammy, maybe get a picnic blanket? Or a beach view room and hug it out till morning?" Dean replied getting a much-deserved elbow to his side from Sam as Dean gently laid his head on Sam's shoulder to show the love and affection he was joking about.

"Jerk." Sam replied as he took a few steps back and leaned on the car.

"Bitch." Dean followed. The boys stayed there, admiring the sight, taking in the breathes of fresh air and the small fleeting moment free of stress and worry.

"Well, Sammy." Dean said, looking up to the sky seeing the sun was closer to leaving than when they first arrived. "How about we find a bed to sleep in for the night?"

Sam nodded his head, agreeing with his brother. "Sounds good to me."

They weren't in a town, wasn't even sure where the closest town was. Dean had pulled over somewhere, in the middle of nowhere to fulfill his promise to Sam to go see the beach. This wasn't a vacation destination, but it was an ocean with sand, so he figured it was close enough.

After investigating the area, Dean noticed an old shack, possibly a hunting cabin or an old home that's been abandoned, left to fall apart. Surrounded by thick trees in the middle of the woods, it was top notch ocean view, except for the overgrowth ground surrounding it. The boys decided that looked like a good place to them.

Parking Baby outside the shack, the boys gathered their bags and forced open the door. The dust flew everywhere, causing them to cough and choke a little. Inside was an old couch, looks like it had been sitting there for as long as they've been alive. The material on it was torn and weak from the years of abandonment. An old coffee table sat in front of it, must have had a couple inches of dust on it, cobwebs filled the spaces between the legs.

In the kitchen there was an old round table, half of it broken off, with 2 old wooden chairs. One of the chairs was missing it's back. The cupboards were beginning to rot. The sink had already fallen through, to the floor.

There was a bathroom, but it wasn't usable, old stagnate water sitting in the tub, it had dripped in there from the leak in the roof when it rains. The toilet, they weren't sure what was in it, but it appeared to be black and solid. The sink was half hanging on and half falling through the rotting of the floor. After looking at the bathroom Dean pulled the door, hanging by one hinge, closed.

"Gross!" Not much grossed Dean out, but that bathroom managed to do the job. Sam agreed.

There was one small bedroom. It had an old metal bed, the kind with spindles on the headboard and footboard. An old mattress laying on it, the sheets and blankets remained on the bed but they were so dirty and worn that you could barely tell they were there. There were a couple pillows, one of them looking like a mouse, or another animal, used it for a bed, the other, the cover was beginning to tear from being weathered. The mattress much the same.

An old dresser that had started to rot sat in the room. Out of curiosity, Dean opened the drawers, finding old clothing from what looked like a hunter, or maybe a farmer? All belonging to a man, no woman's clothes were found, not that he could see a woman wanting to live in this place.

Back in the kitchen, dishes were still in the rotting cabinets. The curtains that hung from the windows worn and torn, much like everything else in that house. Dean's curiosity always seems to get him in trouble. He made the worst stink face and started to gag when he opened the fridge. He wasn't expecting anything they could eat but he also wasn't expecting rotted food and meat with mold and mildew.

"Hey, Sam!" Dean shouting loud enough he could hear him. "Why don't you come smell this?"

"And, why would I do that Dean?" Sam asked, knowing his brother was up to no good, but walked into the kitchen where his brother stood anyhow.

"Dude, it smells as bad as you do!" Dean said with a chuckle as he pushed his shoulder into his brother's.

He walked past him to see if the couch had any comfort to it. It wasn't too bad. He had slept on worse. Beside the couch was an old chair. It was made of plaid material with wooden arms. The wood and cloth covering the chair was rotting away. Dean had stretched out over the couch so Sam sat in the chair. He had to agree with Dean. It wasn't the best but he'd been on worse.

"You can take the bed Sammy." Dean suggested as he was making himself comfortable on the couch.

They had drove for 2 days straight. Dean insisted on driving till they got to their destination. He'd promised his little brother they would see the ocean and they had already made enough detours. He wasn't going to let anything else stop him from keeping his promise to Sam.

Both boys, completely exhausted, ready to pass out. Sam didn't want to move. He was fine where he was at. But, Dean insisted he try to stretch out on the bed since they had been cramped in the car for so long.

Dean felt like he had been run over by a truck. Every muscle in his body ached. His head was hurting, starting to feel lightheaded from exhaustion. He was still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster of the past few… hell, he doesn't even know how long it's been. He was finally starting to feel like himself again. His only concern was sleep. He was afraid if he slept the nightmares would return.

He wouldn't let Sam know, but one reason he drove straight through was because he was afraid of the nightmares he has been having. He didn't want to stop to sleep, he didn't want to worry his brother any more than he already had. He was okay, he knew he was, or at least he would be. He may have hit a deep, depressing moment in his life, but nothing keeps Dean down. He's stronger than anything that tries to hold him down, especially with his little brother by his side. There's nothing they can't conquer together.

He looked over and noticed Sam had fallen asleep on the chair. He didn't look very comfortable. Dean didn't wanna wake him, but he did. He gently woke his sleeping brother, just enough to let him help sleep walk over to the couch. He placed a pillow they kept in their trunk under Sam's head, and covered him with a blanket. Sam didn't even wake enough to notice. He was worn out.

He had been on the same emotional rollercoaster that Dean was on. Sam may not have been the one who was in a dark place, but he rode the ride with his brother, right there, in the front passenger seat. He made sure he kept him together when he was falling apart. He kept his brother safe. They kept each other safe. Dean, still feeling a little 'off', not quiet back to himself, completely, didn't want to leave Sam, he wasn't sure why, maybe he still needed to know that someone was there, that someone cared, either way, he moved the dusty coffee table back a few feet.

Under it, the floor, had an old rug that had long rotted away, leaving scattered pieces of it as a memory. The floorboards, uneven, splinting and breaking. Dean laid on the floor beside the couch, his pillow under his head, covered with his blanket. He didn't dare take his boots or pants off, not in this place. He laid in the darkness, listening to the sounds of the outdoors. The silence filled with crickets and tree frogs, an owl occasionally making its presence known.

Since Dean had started down his dark road, this is the first time he can remember lying down without being drunk first. _'Maybe that will help?'_ he thought to himself, as he pushed away the anxiety that was rising in him. Sam's light breathing, close enough Dean could hear it, was welcomed as he found it a comfort. He was satisfied with his brother being comfortable and content. He knew they both needed sleep, but Dean couldn't seem to let himself go. He tried. He even had his gun under his pillow, where he always kept it, just in case.

Nothing was after them, nothing was going to attack them. It was calm, and peaceful. A feeling Dean wasn't too familiar with. As he laid there, he eventually allowed the darkness of the night to take over. He allowed his body to relax. The aches and pains of his body being so tight for so long had gotten to him, it felt good to relax, finally. Felt good to close his eyes, without them stinging from tears. Without the headache of the booze ringing through his brain.

He knew it wasn't over yet, he could still feel it, inside. But for now, he was going to try to make tonight work. He needed his sleep. He needed good, restful sleep. He was going to get up, he was going to go to the other room, just in case. Just in case he had a nightmare, he didn't want to wake Sammy with it, but his body had relaxed and refused to move. Plus, he still had this need to feel his brother's closeness. He needed his protection, to feel safe.

He knew he could fight anything that came his way, that wasn't the problem. Physically Dean was still able to protect his little brother, and himself. It was more of the emotional protection he was needing. Something that was new to Dean. Something he didn't completely understand. He just knew what he felt, he didn't have to understand it.

Truth is, Sam understood it, and he knew exactly what his big brother needed. And, that was enough for Dean. That's how they've always been, what one brother lacked, or was weak at, or didn't understand, the other brother had it covered. They made a great team. He realized, at that moment, no matter what crap may have been placed on them, no matter what crap they may face in the future, he was thankful.

He was thankful for his brother and he was thankful for his dad. He may have thought he resented his dad for pushing Sammy on him, but it made them closer. Because of the way they were raised, because of their dad, Dean and Sam were as close as two brothers could be, they would always have someone looking out for them, always have a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh with. They would always have a best friend.

A small smile creeped across Dean's face with that thought as his body and mind began to give way to the night and before he knew it he was drifting away, drifting into a sweet relief of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 2

The sun was shining brightly through the old dusty windows and cracks in the roof and the walls. A beam of light was shining directly onto Dean's face. He had a rough night, not rough enough to wake his brother, but it was restless. _'I'm getting really tired of this'_ he thought to himself.

He had noticed he was lying on his side, on the floor. He was facing the couch his brother was sleeping on. His body pressed against it, as close as he could get. He had thrown his arm up on the couch and across his brother's chest. Sam, at some point during the night, had placed his hand over Dean's arm. Perhaps he woke him when he raised his arm in his sleep? It seemed as if Sam was reassuring Dean that he was there and everything was okay.

Dean didn't think he had woken his brother the times his dreams shattered his sleep, but maybe he was wrong? Maybe he did wake and didn't let Dean know? Either way, Sam was still deep asleep. The sun rays, shining through the window facing the couch where his brother slept, was threatening to move its way to Sam's eyes.

Dean had quietly gotten up. There were no longer curtains hanging on that window. They had long rotten away, but the rod that once held them was still screwed in place. Dean draped his blanket over the rod, hoping to block the sun from waking his little brother. Dean sat in the chair that still had its remaining back, at the old broken table. He was exhausted and knew he would need his brother to drive today, so he wanted him to get all the sleep he could.

Besides, they didn't have anywhere to go, no destination in sight, so Dean wasn't in a hurry to wake him and leave. In fact, he was enjoying the silence of the old house. The peace it brought was something Dean wished he could become more familiar with.

As he sat, his elbow resting on the table, his head being held up by his hand, he drifted in and out of long moments of darkness, moments of sleep. His head, eventually, threatening to slip out of his hand, jolting him awake. Followed by another moment of drowsiness as he closed his eyes to repeat his previous actions.

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting at the table. He must have fallen back asleep. These days, it seems, time didn't matter. Time had slipped out of their hands like the sand beside the ocean. Honestly, Dean wasn't even sure what month it was, he didn't care, never really mattered anyhow. The only reason the dates mattered was so they could hunt the creatures who only made their presence known at certain times of the year.

Sam had woken from his sleep, giving a long yawn accompanied by a 6-foot 5-inch stretch. When he stretched, his feet hung far off the couch, no couch was ever long enough for him, but he had gotten used to that. He took a moment to adjust his eyes and take in the sight around him. He noticed Dean, sitting at the table, his head slipping out of his hand as he drifted asleep. His blanket, covering the window, blocking the light from waking him.

He stood, stretching the muscles in his body, adjusting his bones and posture. He had walked over to the table where Dean sat, taking the chair that is missing its back, pulling it to the table and seating himself across from Dean. Dean hadn't noticed, he was drifting into sleep. Sam knowing his head would drop to the table soon, decided to wake his brother before he suffered a headache from his head meeting the tabletop.

"This doesn't look like a very comfortable place to sleep." Sam spoke loud enough to wake his brother, but quiet enough not to startle him.

Dean, pulled his head back into his hand, fluttered his eyes open and closed a few times, returning to a state of awareness. Dean lifted his head, looking at his brother. Exhaustion written all over his face.

"Not sleep well again?" Sam asked.

Dean just shook his head no, but didn't give a verbal answer. Sam knew this couldn't be easy for this brother. But, he wasn't sure what to do to help, he didn't know how to fix it. He had hoped that it would eventually stop on its own.

Dean's stomach broke the silence, giving Sam a small chuckle. Sam pushed himself from his seated position and gathered their belongings. Dean was still seated, feeling slow and sluggish.

"Come on." Sam spoke, pulling Dean from a half-asleep state. "Let's go find the next town and get us some grub." He flashed his brother a small smile. "I'll drive." he completed.

Dean didn't argue. He didn't feel much like driving anyhow, he was far too exhausted, and he didn't want to hurt his baby by wrecking her. Sam threw their things in the back seat and started the roar of the engine. Dean slid himself into the passenger seat, reaching over and pushing a cassette tape of this favorite mixed tunes into the radio. He kept the volume low. He just needed something to break the uncomfortable silence their road trips often brought.

Once they had started back on the road, Sam had decided he wasn't going to let the silence ride with them this time.

"You okay?" He glanced toward his brother, concerned with how tired he looked.

Dean raised his eyebrows and held them in that position for a moment. "Yeah, I'm just tired." he replied as he pinched the bridge of his nose before wiping his hand down his face. "Where are we?"

Sam, giving a chuckle, replied "I don't have a clue."

Dean chuckling back, "Man, don't tell me that. The last time we had this conversation we ended up in some town underground."

"I don't think that's going to happen this time, Dean." Sam laughed.

Dean, in his usual joking matter, "You sure, Sammy? The next town ahead could just be imaginary, it might be the only place you'll be able to find you a girl."

"That's not funny." Sam shot back at him.

"Oh, come on Sammy, it's a little funny."

Sam just shook his head and figured it was pointless to argue with his brother as to why it wasn't funny.

Even with the music playing low, the silence seemed a little too uncomfortable for Dean as he shifted himself, several times, in his seat.

"Damn, how far is the next town?"

Dean sounded a little aggravated, he knew they were on a back road so it would take longer. If they were on a main road there would have been 100 towns they've passed so far.

"Hey Dean!" Sam, trying to help calm his brother and make him feel more comfortable.

"Yeah?"

Sam's voice sounded more energetic and enthusiastic than Dean was prepared for. "So, you said…" Sam hesitated a little, not sure if he really wanted to bring anything up or just stay quiet.

Dean was looking at his brother, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "I said what?"

"Never mind." Sam had decided it best not to open another can or worms. Dean just got irritated at his brother's decision.

"Sam!"

"Fine." Sam sounded defeated. "You said that we had good times?" Sam questioning his own statement.

Dean settled himself into his seat, adjusting his position from the long car ride. "Yeah."

He knew the last few months have been nothing but a lot of heartache and pain. Sam had heard some of the worst, now it was time that he heard the parts that weren't so bad.

"Do you remember," Dean started, "dude, you must have been like 12, and you were being your normal, annoying self, wanting to know why we couldn't be like everybody else. Dad, he always thought that his answer of 'because we're not like everyone else' was good enough for any situation. It was fourth of July. You wanted to go see the fireworks that night, but Dad insisted it would be too dangerous."

Dean allowed himself a slight smile, thinking of the memory he was telling. "Too many people, we wouldn't be able to know who was a monster and who wasn't. He drove us out of town. He told you that we were close enough to town, that if you looked high in the sky, you would be able to see the sparkles from the lights."

A small chuckle released from his lips, Sam had always been one of a kind. "Of course, you, being you, wasn't satisfied. I had snuck and bought some fireworks, Dad didn't know. There was no way in hell I was going to let him know. But, you were just a kid, and you needed that moment to be a kid, Sammy. I grabbed a duffle bag and you and I went for a walk through the forest we were beside. We stopped in a clear spot, not too close to the thick trees. And I surprised you with your very own, personal, fireworks show. They shot into the air with a loud bang, spraying red, yellow, blue, green… the colors of the rainbow, in different designs, into the sky. It looked like sparkles lighting up the darkness."

Dean was grinning ear to ear. "You were so happy. You danced in the sparks. You, looked like an angel, like you were born to be in the light. You enjoyed every second of it, every new color and shape. And, I enjoyed watching the innocence of my little brother. The happiness that seems all too distant in this job, was written all over your face. Your never fading smile. I'll never forget that smile, it wasn't fake, it wasn't because we had just finished an awesome hunt, it was sincere, it was innocent filled joy."

Sam was smiling too. "Yeah, I remember that. You made my night. I felt normal. I felt better than normal, man. I felt like someone special! Like someone important. I got my own personal show. Like a movie star or something. It was awesome!"

Dean, still smiling, let out a little chuckle, "When we got back to the car, Dad asked me if you enjoyed your show. He knew. He knew all along, I didn't know he knew, but Dad wasn't stupid. And, he knew, even if the moments were few and far between, that you, that we, both, needed a reminder that we were still human. We needed something to keep us satisfied with life, keep us happy."

"Dad didn't let us go into big crowds, for safety reasons that I'm sure you can understand, but he did allow us our own space, our own firework show. He didn't constantly hover over us. He let us wonder around, as long as we were together, and packing." Dean's smile had begun to fade, probably due to his exhaustion, but the happiness he was feeling was still written on his face.

Dean had leaned his head against the back of the seat, intertwining his fingers, he placed both palms over his forehead. He was feeling more relaxed, calmer, he had gotten more exhausted with every minute that passed, but, right now, he felt like he could sleep, and sleep comfortably.

He temporarily moved one hand off his head, putting his seat in a reclined position, then replacing it on his head. He had closed his eyes, wanting to hold on to this happiness a little longer. Wanting, so badly, to be content in his brother's presence like he had for so many years.

Sam noticed Dean had slipped into sleep as he approached a nearby town. He made the decision not to stop, his brother was resting comfortably, he was getting the rest he needed and if he woke him he may not get the chance again, at least not for a while. Besides, Dean didn't have to know they drove through a town. Sam wouldn't tell him. Dean's soft snores filled Sam's ears, telling him that his brother had fallen into a deep sleep. Sam was relieved. He was happy that his brother had found some type of peace, even if just for a moment, it was a break from the darkness he had been living in for far too long.


	3. Chapter 3

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE.**

CHAPTER 3

 _Dean was running through the woods, a werewolf hot on his trail. It could have sniffed out his fear 100 miles away. It was the middle of summer, must have been 90 degrees that evening, sweat dripping from Dean, soaking his clothes. The growth in the wooded area, thick and overgrown._

 _He was finding it hard to keep his footing, zigzagging through the trees, stumbling over branches that had fallen over the seasons, hidden beneath the over growth. He couldn't even see the ground, wasn't sure what he was stepping on as he ran. The fact that it was pitch black outside, only being guided by the light of the full moon, didn't help matters any._

 _That monster, chasing Dean, could see in the dark, but Dean sure as hell couldn't. He found himself stumbling, sure he had sprung his ankle, but, he knew if he stopped he would be dead for sure. So, he continued to run through the pain. He had tried to kill it, but that damn thing was too fast for him and charged toward him before he had another chance._

 _He just needed enough distance between it and him so he could set up another shot for the kill. That didn't seem to be happening anytime soon. Dean wondered if this thing had super powers, maybe it had eaten Flash and consumed his speedy powers? Dean's heart felt like it was leaping out of his throat, and beating out of his chest, at the same time. His chest was hurting, lungs burning. Breathless, finding it hard to catch his breath, nearly impossible to breathe._

 _He could hear it, fast approaching, the thuds on the ground as its feet pounded, the cracking of the dried leaves and sticks remaining on the ground. It was getting louder, so was the pounding of his heart. Everything happened so fast, he didn't even have time for his mind to register the events as they happened._

 _He had tripped, fallen flat on his face. He wasn't even sure what he tripped over. But, before he had even realized he had tripped, before his mind could make sense and catch up to his body, he felt the pressure of the monster on his back. 'Damn son of a bitch must weigh a ton' ran through Dean's mind for a fleeting moment. Its claws digging into his skin. He could feel its hot breath, breathing down his neck, drool dripping from its teeth, dropping onto Dean's face._

 _The deep, nasty growl as it swiped its claws, that was dug into his skin, down his back, rung in Dean's ears. It was deafening when it was that close. Over and over again, its claws tearing at Dean's flesh. He was thankful, even though it was hot, he had left his coat and outer shirt on over his t-shirt. His clothing was helping to protect him, but it didn't stop the beast from leaving deep gashes down his back._

 _He was helpless, he couldn't roll over onto his back so he couldn't fight it off. He was pinned, not able to get to his weapons. Fighting through the pain, his mind became clouded and confused. He wasn't even sure what had happened. He could still feel the burning sensation on his back. But it had seemed to stop getting worse, stopped adding more gashes._

 _By the time he had realized the weight of the monster was no longer pushing him down, he was being grabbed by the shoulder and hauled to his feet. His mind had begun to clear and he realized it was his dad. He had killed the werewolf and got Dean off the ground. He was quickly looking over him to make sure he wasn't bitten, no bite marks, only claw marks covering his back and thighs._

 _The panic seemed to calm in his dad's eyes, and Dean's head had started clearing more with each moment that passed. The next thing he knew, he was waking up, laying back on the ground, the side of his face burning from his dad's fist. He was pissed. Dean had almost gotten himself killed, and his dad didn't know any other way to express his emotions than with a punch, so hard it knocked him to the ground, leaving him in a lifeless unconsciousness._

 _His mind, skipping, who knows how much of time. He was running again. This time from his dad. This time it was training, not a monster hunt. They were in the same woods, his dad pissed that the beast got a hold of him. He was caught. His dad had caught him. His dad's words, hitting him hurt worse than any punch, or kick, he delivered._

Dean had started tossing his head from side to side slowly. His breathing picking up into a panicked rhythm. Small moans coming from deep within his throat. Sam continued driving, but concern for his brother was on the rise. He was keeping one eye on the road and one eye on Dean.

He had decided the next town he came to, rather Dean was awake or not, he would stop. He was afraid his brother's dreams would just worsen. He wasn't completely sure what was going on in his brother's head, but he knew he had been suffering from mind numbing nightmares for months now, even if Dean tried to hide them, he still knew. His cries would wake him no matter how quiet they were. But, sometimes, his cries were more of a scream and Sam didn't have a choice but to be startled awake by his brother's dreams.

 _He remembers his dad stitching him up, stitching up the gashes on his back caused by that wild animal, but, also stitching up the gashes on his face that his dad's fists caused, bandaging up any areas on his body that needed it. He wasn't sure where Sam was. His mind was screaming for his brother, but he couldn't find him. He knew what the night would bring, somehow, he just knew._

 _He wanted Sammy to stop it. He wanted his brother to save him, but he wasn't there. He couldn't save him. His mouth served as his father's delight that night, once again, one of the ways his dad had learned to release his emotions. He never was good at expressing his feelings. Never good at showing anything but toughness. Dean knew his dad wasn't hateful. He knew he wasn't a monster, like the things they hunted. He just had a hard time showing the human side, the fatherly side. He was a hunter, and refused to let anything else show._

 _Since Dean's mom had been killed, his dad had gotten lost, he didn't know how to express himself anymore. He had forgotten how to show love. He didn't know how to act in any way but anger and violence. That's what he had learned. But, every so often, a different side of him would show, the side he had learned from his boys. The little glimpse of the father Dean remembered. Even if it didn't last long, it was enough to satisfy him, enough to keep Dean going._

 _That didn't change the fact that he was hurting right now. He was hurting physically, from the abuse his body had taken earlier in the night, from both the werewolf and his father. His mind was a tangled mess. Mentally he was a mess. He hated when his father was this way. He knew the alcohol didn't help matters any. He drank with his dad, has done so since he was 10 or so. It helped ease his emotions too. Helped calm the pain._

 _His dad didn't throw him out of the bed this night. Usually, when he was finished, shame filled him and he would make Dean leave his sight, but, usually, his brother was sleeping in the other bed, waiting for his big brother to curl up to him, using him for comfort. This night, he had him lay beside him. His dad needed the comfort, the intimate comfort, of someone he loves. His dad slept well, alcohol induced, holding his oldest son in his arms, pressing his body against his._

 _Dean had bile rising in his throat, threatening to spew all over his dad's bed. He could feel his dad, pressed against him, not soft anymore. Fear rising in him as his dad began to stir around as the sun started shining into the room. Dean had drifted off a few times during the night but wasn't able to get any good sleep. Again, his mind was screaming for his brother to save him, his father wrapped his arms around him, placing his hand on his crotch, feeling, enjoying, grinding into his son's backside._

 _He was only partly awake, mostly asleep, Dean wasn't even sure if his dad knew what he was doing, or who he was with. Dean's mind screaming for his brother, screaming for Sam, begging him to save him. His dad, waking more with each grind, had Dean pressed down, his face in front of his dad's bulge. Using his mouth once again, with bile threatening to rise. Sammy, where's Sammy? Why isn't he helping? Why isn't his brother saving him? His brother always saved him, why wasn't he this time? He needed him! Didn't Sam understand how much he needed to be saved?_

Dean's head was thrashing back and forth faster, breathing was labored. Sam was debating on pulling over to the side of the road to wake his brother. Dean's hands were down by his side, gripping the upholstery on the seat with a death grip. Sweat was beading on his forehead. Sam was shocked! He almost wrecked the car when he jumped.

Dean shot straight up from his sleep. "SAMMY!".

Eyes wide, breathing so heavy he was barely able to catch his breath. He had vocalized what his mind was screaming in his dreams. Sam, quickly whipped the car to the shoulder of the road.

"DEAN!" he shouted back.

Dean had looked like he had just seen a… well, if he was a 'normal' person he would have looked like he just saw a ghost. His skin, pale white, all the blood drawn from his body, covered by a layer of sweat. His eyes, red, blood shot, filling quickly with unshed tears. Confused, he was confused, not sure where he was or what was going on at that moment. Not even realizing he was in the car and not in the room in his dreams.

"Dean." Sam placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him.

Dean almost jumped out of his skin at the human contact, turning his head, staring blankly at Sam. He wasn't sure who had touched him, or what their intention was. After staring at Sam for only a few moments, but what felt like a lifetime to Sam, Dean blinked. He was coming back to his senses. Trying to catch his breath, trying to calm his trembling hands, pushing back the tears that threatened to drip from his eyes.

"Sammy?" Dean's voice came out an almost whispered tone, unable to get enough breath through his lungs to speak in a normal tone.

"Hey, Dean." Sam kept his voice calm and even. "It's okay, whatever it is, it's okay, I'm right here."

He had attempted to give his brother a reassuring touch again, this time with success. He was no longer afraid of the person who sat beside him. Still confused, still trying to regain himself.

"Sammy." Dean repeated, this time sounding a little bit more normal. His breathing had calmed to a near normal state.

"Dean, you okay?" Sam's voice still full of concern.

"Yeah… um… yeah… Sammy, yeah, I'm good."

Dean wiped his hand down his face, chewing lightly on his bottom lip as he worked hard to put his invisible mask back on. His hands, still trembling, he hadn't even noticed until that point they were trembling.

"I'm fine, Sammy." Dean repeated, sounding more like he was trying to reassure himself more than Sam. "Hungry, but good." he added, looking at Sammy, wondering why they were still driving.

Sam cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah sorry."

Knowing Dean needed time to regain himself, Sam pulled back onto the road to find the next town.

He kept an eye on Dean, making sure he was okay while he drove. Dean took the time to finish collecting himself, and stop the trembling. He knew Sam was watching him, but he chose to ignore it. It didn't take long to find the next town. They were both thankful for that. It was a small town, in the middle of nowhere.

It was one of those places that everyone knew everyone by their first name and could tell you the life story about anyone in the town. They pulled their tired bodies from the car for a much-needed break, and much needed food. They had found a little hole in the wall mom 'n' pop diner, it wasn't very big, it held 4 booths and 2 larger tables surrounded by chairs.

There was a large group of people filling one of the tables, another booth had a family of 4 sitting at it. Dean chose to sit in a corner booth. His back against the wall, a clear view of the doorway and anyone coming or going. He tried to keep on his mask. He tried to act like his normal self. He even flirted with the waitress, even though he wasn't feeling it, but, that was his normal behavior so he had to keep it up.

Sam could see right through it, Dean knew he could, but he didn't care, as long as he felt somewhat normal he was fine. Even though, he hadn't eaten all day, Dean didn't eat a lot, he mostly just picked at his food.

"Dean, you sure you're okay?" Sam asked, leaning over the table making himself closer to Dean, speaking quietly so no one else could hear their conversation.

Dean, looked up at his brother, his eyes looked lost. He stared into Sam's eyes for a moment before looking away. Once his head was down he responded. "It was only a nightmare, Sammy."

Sam knew that, but he also knew his brother's nightmares were real, they were memories of his past. Memories of being hurt, reminders of the uselessness he felt he was. This time, it was different. He couldn't just pull himself back together. He still seemed a little confused.

"Hey Dean, wanna just get a room here? I don't know how far it is to the next town and, well, I think we could both use a comfortable bed and a good… and some leg stretching." Sam suggested.

He was going to say a good night's sleep, but it didn't matter if Dean was in a bed or in the car his dreams did what they wanted.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Sounds good to me."

"I think I saw a liquor store down the road if you wanna.." Sam was stopped, mid-sentence by Dean.

"No." He didn't want to feel any foggier than he already did.

"Okay."

He wasn't sure why his brother was refusing a drink. He had never refused a drink before. Sam had long finished his food, Dean still not touching much of his. They sat in silence. Dean wasn't sure what was wrong with him, why he was feeling the way he was. He didn't want to go back to the dark pit of despair he was once in. In fact, it was scaring him some. He would never admit that to Sam, of course, but it was true, he was beginning to scare himself.

"Come on Sam." Dean stood from his seat, laying money on the table to pay for their meal. "Let's go find a bed." He added, noticing Sam's confused look.

"Okay" Sam replied as he stood and followed his brother to the car.

Dean didn't even attempt to get behind the wheel. He sat in the passenger seat and waited for his brother. Sam was suspicious of his behavior, curiosity was filling his mind, he never liked anyone driving his baby and now, he wasn't even attempting to get behind the wheel.

That was the one place Dean felt at peace, the one place that took away all his worries, behind the steering wheel of his 'Baby', and Dean wanted nothing to do with it at that moment. Sam didn't say anything, thought it best not to start up a conversation yet. He drove to the only motel he saw and got them a room with 2 queen beds.

It didn't look like they got much business, probably just a place to stay when someone visited their family members who lived in the town. They each grabbed their bags, Sam grabbed the gun bag with his belongings, he always made sure they had weapons nearby.

Dean felt like he was dragging himself into the room. He dropped his bag on the floor at the foot of his bed, dropping his body beside it. The room didn't look like the cleanest place, but it wasn't the worst place they stayed at either.

Orange and green flowered bed spreads covered the beds. The sink, that shared a room with the beds, was sat in a counter top that matched the orange in the covers. A picture of a wooded area with a deer standing in the middle hung on the wall. Of course, the leaves in the picture had to be orange and yellow. As if motel lighting wasn't bad enough, the lights all had an orange tinted, plastic cover over them. The carpet, was an orange and green shag. It appeared so old that it wasn't a bouncy shag any more, it was worn down, paths of worn spots and ground in dirt.

Dean sat, dazed, on the floor, his back against the bed, his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Dean, Dean?" Sam sat on the floor in front of his brother.

Dean had been so absent minded he didn't even notice Sam had stopped at the liquor store before going to the motel. He handed his brother a bottle of whiskey, his favorite.

Dean, looked at Sam, confused.

"Take it."

Dean took the bottle out of Sam's hand, opening it and taking a big gulp.

"Dean, talk to me, man. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Dean, taking another drink, looked at Sam, eyes full of confusion, pleading to Sam for help. "I… I just… I had a nightmare, no big deal."

"What about?"

He was afraid to start something that would send Dean spiraling again, but he knew he had to do something to help, these nightmares were hurting Dean as much as they were Sam.

"It was, it was at night… we… me and Dad… we were hunting a werewolf. I missed, Sammy, I missed. The damn thing attacked me. Dad killed it, saved my life." Dean paused, hoping that was enough to get Sam off his back, he knew better than that, his brother was hard headed and didn't give up easily.

"And?"

"And…" Dean began again. "Then he decided… he… said I needed more training, you know… his usual game… it didn't hurt as bad as those claws on that damn dog did! When… when we got back… to the room, I don't remember it, Sammy, I didn't remember until… I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure if I didn't remember, if it's true or not. I don't know if its memories or… maybe it's just my imagination? Sammy, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me."

Dean dropped his head, running his hands through his hair. "Sam, I screamed for you. Not out loud, in my head, the whole time I was… Dad had me… I was in bed with him, the entire night. Twice, Sam, I hate the… the taste, Sammy, it… in my head, I was screaming for you, I needed you."

Dean couldn't seem to get his thoughts straight enough to complete a sentence but it was enough Sam understood. "I don't know where you were. I couldn't find you. But I so desperately wanted you to help, to save me. But you didn't I was alone."

Dean had started letting the tears flow as he filled himself with much needed whiskey. "I feel… I feel like I'm going crazy Sammy." Dean added as he wiped his hand down his face to dry the tears.

"Dean."

Sam's voice was calming to Dean, he wasn't sure why. Lately, he had found so much comfort in his brother, when he felt like he was going insane, his brother kept him together.

"You're not going crazy, I can promise you that. And, I'm here, I'm right here. I may not have been there when it happened, or in your dream, but I'm here now. This is just something we gotta work through, okay?"

Sam had taken Dean's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him, to know he was serious, he didn't, not for once, think his brother was going crazy. Dean just nodded his head, believing what his brother had said.

"And, how do we do that?" Dean was hoping his brother had the answer, but knew he didn't.

"I don't know, but, we'll figure it out, together, we always do." Sam reassured Dean. "We start by getting off this crappy floor." Sam chuckled as he stood to his feet, reaching his hand out to help his brother stand.

Dean stood, unsure of what he needed to do next, he went to the bathroom to relieve himself. The simple act of changing views seemed to give him what he needed to reenter reality. When he finished, he walked back into the room and collapsed onto his bed, falling on his stomach, his feet still hanging off the edge.

"I'm so tired Sammy." Dean mumbled with his face buried in the mattress.

"Go to sleep, Dean. I'll stay awake, if you start to have a nightmare, I'll wake you, okay?" Sam was offering himself, offering a sleepless night to his brother.

Dean didn't even take the time to notice that had meant his brother knew his nights were plagued with nightmares, or maybe he was just too tired to care?

"You…sure?" Dean stuttered.

"Yeah, I'm not even that tired." He was, but somehow, he managed to convince Dean he wasn't.

"Okay, Sam, if you get tired, if I'm okay, you go to sleep, okay?"

Dean wouldn't take no for an answer as he removed his outer clothes, sliding under the blankets in his boxers and t-shirt. He didn't even fight it, exhaustion had dug itself into Dean's body with a death hold, and it wasn't letting go. He felt safe, knowing his little brother was watching over him. He wasn't sure why he was relying on his brother so much lately, why he found so much comfort in him.

Had he always felt that way? Maybe he was just beginning to take notice of it. He did have a habit of doing things without thinking, without realizing what he was doing. His thoughts fading away quickly as he allowed his body to slip into blissful sleep, at least for the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 4

Dean had a decent night's sleep. He had woken only a few times, they were just small nightmares, easy to fall back to sleep after. Actually, Sam had woke him from 2 of them, when he thought they were becoming something bigger, he woke his brother, to allow them to stop, so he could calm his mind and sleep some more.

Sam had stayed up the entire night, he sat at the small table beside the window, watching over his brother. He had pulled his laptop out, nothing else to do through the night except surf the web. Any movement or noise would draw Sam's attention away from the screen and onto his brother.

When the morning light started shining its rays through the curtain cracks, Sam removed the cover from his bed and hung it on the window, blocking out any sign of the new day that was beginning. He was thankful that the lights had those ugly, orange covers, it kept the light in the room dim. The only light that was on was the one at the table where Sam sat. He had even dimmed his screen light to be sure to keep the room as dark as possible.

His brother was getting some much-needed rest and Sam was not going to allow anything to take that away from him. During the night, Sam had hung the do not disturb sign on the door, hoping to keep any housekeepers from waking his brother. He had even called the front desk, reserving the room for a second day. He wasn't sure if they would stay another night but he didn't want them to be pushed out if his brother was still sleeping past check out time.

He was so thankful Dean was getting rest. Sam was worried. He wouldn't let Dean know how worried he was, but he was beyond worried, he was scared. He was scared for his big brother. Sam had seen a lot of things in his life, not much scared him anymore. But, he has never seen Dean this broken, and if one thing could scare him, it was this.

His brother was both his weakness and his strength. Dean has always stressed how important it was that he take care of Sam, that he look out for him, keep him safe. But, Sam felt the same way about Dean. He loved his big brother, he may not be the tough guy like Dean is, but he still looked out for him. He kept Dean safe, well as safe as he could, Dean has a habit of being reckless. 'Another thing that makes him like Dad' Sam chuckled to himself.

" **Family of 3 found dead in their home** " the headline read. _"Unknown suspects, unknown motive. The Miller family was loved by everyone who knew them. Mr. and Mrs. Miller and their 16-year-old daughter were found dead when local police were called to do a welfare check on the family._

 _When Mr. John Miller did not show up for work this morning, the police were called to conduct a welfare check. Mr. Miller's boss stated "It is not normal for John to miss a day of work, even when he was sick he would come in. So, for him not to show up or call, I knew something had to be wrong."_

 _Mrs. Miller was a stay at home mom. She was very active in her daughter's schooling and after school activities. Molly Miller, only 16 years old, was a straight A student and had a promising future as a cheerleader._

 _They will be missed by many. The police are not releasing details at this point, but its rumored that each family member was found lifeless, without a drop of blood in their bodies. This is only rumor of course, but it appears it's the 3_ _rd_ _family this week, the other 2 were found in a surrounding town, to be found dead due to loss of blood._

 _The other 2 families, Mr. and Mrs. Browning of Davesware, and their 2 sons, Jeramiah and Joseph were reported to be found in their home yesterday, also appeared to have no blood remaining in their bodies. And, single mother, Elizabeth Banner, also from Davesware, and her 3 children, 5-year-old Millie, 8-year-old Jaxson, and 10-year-old Trish, all found the same way as the other families._

 _The Banner family is the first reported family to be found with their blood milked from their bodies. Crime scene photos show no evidence of any blood at the scene. Police are unsure if the family was murdered somewhere else then returned to their homes. They say it does appear they were all sleeping in their beds when the incidents occurred, but due to the lack of blood, they can't be sure of this. They are asking, if anyone has any information about these crimes to contact their local police."_

Of course, this news heading got Sam's attention. It was posted just this morning and the Miller family lived in the town where they were staying. Sam began to do his research, hunter mode kicking in. He had located another incident, just a month prior, that occurred about 2 hours from the town they were in. It was labeled "The Vampire Killer" due to the victims being found with several small holes that appeared to be drilled into their necks. The blood drained from their bodies, nothing found at the crime scenes.

It had appeared all victims were sleeping in their beds when it occurred. Crime scene photos from those killings were easy to obtain once Sam hacked into the police data base. All the women and girls, dressed in ankle length night gowns, with long sleeves ending at their wrists. Their heads were shaved bald. There was no mention of their hair being found at the scene. Nothing in the pictures either.

The men and boys, they were dressed in matching pajama tops and bottoms, the kind an old man would wear, long pants ending at the ankles and long sleeve shirts that buttoned in the front. Each button was properly closed. All the victims, even the ones from different families, had matching clothes. They were laid on their backs, arms straight down their sides, heads placed on the pillows, looking straight forward, a sheet laid smoothly over their bodies, draping over the curves and bends that the natural body holds. They were all a pale white with a light blue color.

The men's hair was still intact, they didn't shave their heads. All the victims were also barefoot. Sam had seen a vampire bite. It wasn't like they show in the movies, it wasn't 2 perfectly round penetrating holes to the neck. He was, in no way, convinced this was the works of a vamp. He continued to research, he looked into the data base of the surrounding counties, locating other victims, crime photos almost identical to the others.

16 families in all. 16 families who have lost their lives over the past 6 weeks. He was sure there was more. Whoever, or whatever, this was had to come from somewhere, another state perhaps?

Sam had started digging into his research a little deeper when his attention was suddenly taken from the screen and back onto his brother. He heard movement coming from his bed and had to make sure he was okay. Sam hadn't realized how long he had been looking into this potential case.

The room was darkened by the blanket. He was thankful he paid for another day, since checkout was almost an hour ago. Dean had begun to wake. Stretching his body, accompanied by a long yawn and then another stretch. He pushed himself to a seated position against the headboard.

"Feeling better?" Sam asked.

Dean was still in a groggy state and hadn't noticed his brother watching him from behind his computer screen, sitting at the table.

"You been up all night?" Dean asked as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yeah."

Dean gave him a look of amazement.

"I told you I would, Dean. I told you I'd make sure you were okay."

Dean just nodded his head and removed himself from his bed, heading to the bathroom. "What time is it anyhow?" Dean questioned while he was using the toilet.

"Almost noon." Sam replied, shocked at how late it had gotten.

Dean had come back into the room, "What?" he was shocked too, "Dang, Sam, why'd you let me sleep so late?" He asked, but knew the answer already.

"Because you needed it."

Dean grabbed some clean clothes, making a disgusted expression on his face when he picked up a towel. They were orange. The same color as the rest of the room.

"I'll tell you what." Dean began, he was sounding a lot stronger than the night before, a lot more rested, more like himself. "Someone must'a really liked the color orange when they made this room." He finished as he walked back into the bathroom to shower.

Sam just chuckled at his brother, slowly shaking his head at his craziness.

Sam had gone back to his research while Dean showered. He couldn't find anything! Not a single matching case in any other state. All the crimes were committed within a 150-mile radius, the town they were staying in, right in the dead center. 'Winchester luck' Sam thought to himself.

He thought, if it was something that only attacked in a specific area, perhaps it only came out at certain times of the year, he researched the previous year, nothing, the year before that, nothing. It was 5 years ago when they had similar crimes within the same radius. Perhaps it was something that only needed to feed every 5 years? He noticed the dates from that year were the same time period as now.

'So, it feeds at the same time of the year but 5 years apart.' Sam thought to himself. Trying to piece everything together. He researched back 5 more years, just to be sure, it was harder to find information the farther back he went. The internet wasn't as big then. But he had found a couple articles that gave proof that similar crimes happened, same area, same time frame.

Judging by the dates of the murders, this thing killed for 12 weeks, then disappeared for 5 years. They were already, at least, 6 weeks into its killing spree, that means its half way through, and in another 6 weeks it will disappear again, returning to kill more innocent families in another 5 years.

"Maybe it was a pregnant lady, craving orange juice?" Dean emerged from his shower.

"Huh?" Sam was honestly confused.

"Who decorated this room, maybe it was a pregnant woman craving orange juice?" Dean clarified.

Sam just shook his head at his brother. He was happy to see him in such a good mood, but Sam had stayed up all night and now he was the one who was exhausted.

"What'cha looking at Sammy boy?" Dean asked as he pulled out the other chair beside the table and sat.

"I don't know, a possible case?" Sam replied, going back to his research.

Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother, crinkling his forehead. "Is that what you've been doing all night?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Sam replied, not removing his eyes from the screen. He jumped with surprise when suddenly his screen was slammed shut. He quickly shot his head up, meeting his brother's eyes. "What the hell man?" Sam said angrily.

"Let's go get some food, I'm starved." Dean more demanded than suggested.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You're always hungry, go get you something to eat if you want." Sam appeared to be in an ill mood. He tried to reopen his laptop but it was met with his brother's hand, forcing it back closed. "FINE!" Sam shouted louder than he expected. "Whatever, Dean, whatever will make YOU happy." he added as he stood from his chair.

Dean was not too happy with his brother's response, but he was hungry and knew Sam needed to eat too, especially if he was planning a hunt with little to no sleep.

When they stepped outside, they were blinded by the sun. Neither of them thinking to remove the cover from the window, they had been enclosed in a dark room for so long. It was a nice day. Not too hot, not too cold.

Looking at the town in a different light, on a different day, made it look different than when they first arrived. It was a dusty town, reminded them of something you would see in an old western movie. The buildings were old, made of wood mostly. Wooden sidewalks connected the stores.

"Let's walk, Sam." Dean suggested. He needed to stretch his legs and get his body moving.

"Whatever." Sam mumbled as he followed behind his brother.

Dean enjoyed looking through the windows of the places they passed. There was an old antique store with an old baby carriage in the window, behind the carriage was a wedding dress, looks like something they would wear in the 50's. They passed a bank, even though the building was old, there were 2 small windows in the front of it, both covered with thick metal bars. A clothing store, with fancy boutique clothing sitting on models, displayed in the 2 large windows on either side of the door. The door to this store was painted pink. Dean guessed it was to make a point of how fancy the place was, but he couldn't figure out why anyone would want to paint a door pink.

They walked off the wooden sidewalk, walking beside the dirt road, they passed an old gas station, the kind that still pumped your gas for you. They could also change your tires and oil while you wait. Next to it was the liquor store, it was opened but no customers were inside. Dean figured it was too early for normal people to drink.

Instead of walking straight, where the diner was, he decided to walk down a side road, beside the liquor store. Sam huffed a little, irritated that his brother was wandering around so carelessly when they were so close to the diner.

The town seemed to change. It went from looking like an old western town to being more modern. They passed another bank. This one looked like it was built just a few years ago. They had walked past a few small restaurants, a BBQ place and a fast food restaurant. Sam could not figure out why his brother didn't stop at either of those.

"Dean! I'm not going to keep following you around, I thought you said you wanted food?" Sam said in a huff.

"Calm down Sammy boy. I'm just checking out the town, you got something more important to do?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

Finally, Dean spotted it, a bar and grill. "You gotta learn to live a little." Dean said as he started to walk into the bar.

Sam was getting more irritated. He was glad he chose to put his laptop in his backpack and carry it with him. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

They sat at a round table beside a wall. Sam had found one with a plug outlet and refused to sit anywhere else. They both ordered food, Sam got some water while Dean ordered something a little stronger. Dean didn't wait for the food to arrive before he was up, flirting with anyone who would give him the time of day.

Sam, still irritated with his brother, pulled out his laptop, plugged it in, and started browsing the wonderful world of technology. He was looking at lures, trying to see if he could figure out what was killing these people. The food arrived. He ate his while Dean's sat untouched until he was done flirting. When he arrived back to the table his food was cold, he didn't care, he gobbled it down anyhow.

"Come on little brother, you need to have some fun in your life. See that pretty blonde over there?" Dean pointed in the direction of the bar. "She has a friend, said they like wild rides, if you know what I mean." Dean raised his eyebrows at his brother. "Huh? Huh? Sammy?"

Sam just put his head down and started his research again. He hated it when Dean would try to push him onto some girl at the bar. He wasn't into that the way Dean was.

"Fine! Whatever." Dean said as he walked away.

He was upset at Sam. He wasn't sure why, but he was. It wasn't like he expected his brother to take up the offer, but it still irritated him. He was so damn focused on whatever he was researching. Dean had decided he would just have to satisfy both the ladies himself.

Sam had gotten tired of waiting for his brother to quit trying to get in some girl's pants and left, he walked back to the room, tired and irritated. He laid on his bed. He couldn't believe Dean. He's like a maniac. He's been changing like a flip of a switch.

He, briefly, entertained the thought that maybe his brother was possessed and he should soak his bed in holy water to find out, but that would just force him to sleep in Sam's bed, with him, and he didn't want that. His brother liked to take up the whole bed and always ended up with some body part flopped over Sam by morning.

Then, he began to think about Dean's lack of sleep. He wondered if he did do something, forcing Dean to share Sam's bed, then maybe he would feel more comfortable? Maybe he would feel safe and stop having the nightmares? Or, maybe it would make them worse. Sam didn't know. He didn't know what to do to help his brother.

Last night seemed to work. Dean got some much-needed rest and together they were able to keep the nightmares at a minimum and stop them before they got too bad. But, Sam had sacrificed his sleep for that, now he was exhausted and in an ill mood. He thought about getting up, doing some more research on these murders, but if he was right, if this thing still had 6 weeks of hunting season left, then he had plenty of time to finish researching it. Plus, he figured, he could focus better if he got some sleep.

He had told Dean he was leaving, wasn't sure if he was paying him any attention. He had one girl on each arm, laying it on thick, telling them everything they wanted to hear. He figured, if his brother returned anytime soon, it wouldn't be until late, or maybe not until the morning. Sam was alone, he hasn't been alone in a while. He hadn't wanted to leave his brother's side, he needed to be there, to help him. But, Dean had pushed Sam away this time. Honestly, he wasn't upset about it, figured he would take advantage of the silence, since Dean seemed to be a blabber mouth today, it was like he was on crack or something, going 100mph.

Sam didn't have that type of energy, not today. The blanket was still covering the window, making the room dark. It was a comfortable temperature so he didn't need it anyhow, he slid off his boots and pants, sliding himself under the sheet. He had decided it best for everyone if he got a little shut eye. He was dozing off while he was lying there thinking anyhow. It wasn't but just a minute before Sam's eyes drifted shut and the satisfying darkness of sleep covered his exhausted body.


	5. Chapter 5

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 5

Sam had already been on high alert due to Dean's nightly terrors, that mixed with his hunter's instinct, didn't help keep him asleep when Dean stumbled into the room. He wasn't trying to be quiet, or maybe he was and he was just too drunk to realize how loud he was being.

"Dean? What the hell man?" Sam sounded a bit angry, but Dean didn't notice.

"Shhh, Sssammyy's ssleeepin'" Dean slurred.

"Dean, Dude, you're drunk, go to sleep!" Sam plopped his head back onto his pillow.

He wasn't sure what time it was. He really didn't care, he was still feeling the dreadful tiredness filling his bones. Dean, stumbled around the room, to the bathroom, then stumbled back through the room to his bed.

"It darrrkkk 'n here ssssaaammmmmmmmm"

"Dean!" Sam stopped him from continuing to drag his name out. "Go. To. Sleep." Sam said, slow, calming his voice. "What the hell you are doing back here anyhow? Did the night not go as planned?"

Dean, changing his tone after taking a gulp of the bottle that he had in his hand. 'Great, just what Dean needs, more alcohol' Sam thought to himself as he reached up and turned his side of the light on. He figured he wasn't going to get the chance to go back to sleep anytime soon, not with how drunk his brother was.

"It went goooooood, Sammyy." Dean started stuttering. "At first." His voice had dropped to a lower tone with the end part.

Sam let out a sigh. Why couldn't he just have one day, one night…he stopped his thought. No, he wasn't going to entertain that, not right now, he was just in a bad mood, he couldn't take it out on Dean. Dean was just doing what he was taught to do. Hiding his feelings, masking the pain. The same as their dad always did.

Sam rubbed his eyes, wiping away the sleep. "So, what happened?" he asked. He knew his brother was too drunk to notice the tone in his voice.

"Nothing, Sammy… Go, go to sleep, Sam." Sam was the one who was too tired to notice the tone in Dean's voice.

"I was asleep!" Sam replied angerly. "You woke me up."

"Oh." He couldn't come up with anything else to say to that. He was too drunk to be able to think straight.

"Whatever." Sam was frustrated.

He wasn't sure why he was so frustrated, he just was. He tried to lay down, to go back to sleep, that didn't seem to be possible, not with his brother tossing and turning in his bed.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed loudly as he shot up to a seated position.

Sam rolled his eyes, it was dark so Dean couldn't see it. "Dean, go to sleep."

"Hey, Sam." Dean struggled with even saying his brother's name.

"What?"

"Do… am…" He paused, Sam couldn't see Dean wrinkle his forehead at him. "Am I irritating you?" He asked, suddenly realizing the tone in his brother's voice.

"Dean, I'm just in a bad mood, okay?" Sam tried to reassure his brother, while avoiding his question.

"I…"

Dean had started saying something, pausing to keep his mind straight. He had dropped his head, shame filling him. He wanted to apologize! He wanted to tell Sam how sorry he was for being a bother. He wanted to bury himself 6 feet under, not to die, just to hide, hide away from the world.

He wanted to lean on his brother, to have him comfort him, at this moment. He wanted to cry, to cry to Sam, to ask him what he thought of him. He wanted so much, he wanted this feeling inside him to go away. But, he sat, in silence, in the darkness of the room. Sam had given up on waiting for his brother to finish his sentence, he laid his head back down. It didn't take long after he closed his eyes to fall back asleep.

Dean, continuing to drink more, sat on the bed for a moment before deciding to go see what Sam had been researching on his laptop. He didn't want to sleep. He knew it wouldn't be good if he did. Besides, he had, somehow, managed to bring back enough booze to kill an elephant and he wasn't about to waist it. He was already drunk, but that didn't stop him from drinking more. He looked over everything his brother had been looking at, read over all his notes. He began research of his own.

" _Oh, come on, you know you want it. You know you like it. You're not as innocent as you seem, are you?"_

 _Dean was feeling uncomfortable. He was fine with the 2 women he was spending the evening with. They had provided him with a fun filled, drunk evening. It was when the men arrived that Dean became uncomfortable and couldn't think of anything else but to get out of there._

 _He had told them he wasn't into that, told them he never had. They didn't need to know the truth. It had been so many years that it really didn't matter anymore, it would have been like he was a virgin again, he knew this. They just didn't want to take no for an answer. They told him they could tell he was lying, he was into that kind of kink. He wasn't lying. Why does everyone always think that?_

 _The girls were fine, they were into it, they wanted more. Dean didn't. He had lost the mood. Why wouldn't they take no for an answer? It didn't matter how much he drank, he was still in control. He was so used to being drunk that it didn't affect him the way it did other people. Why did Sammy have to leave? Why couldn't he ever stick around? Keep him from getting into these types of situations? He was scared, panicked. He couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight._

" _Come on, lover boy, you know you want it. You know you'll love it!"_

Dean jumped awake, shooting his head up off the table as fast as a bullet from a gun.

"Rough night?" Sam questioned.

He was walking out of the bathroom, freshly showered, at the same moment Dean jumped awake.

Dean just gave his brother a gaze, he wasn't sure how to answer that. He wiped a shaky hand down this face, making sure he didn't have any tears running. He was getting tired of this, tired of waking up this way. Except, this time it was different. This time, it was fresh, it wasn't a distant memory.

"It's an Alp." Dean replied.

"What?" Sam questioned as he stood at the sink, brushing his teeth.

"The creature killing these people. It's an Alp. It's like a vamp except it lives in people's dreams. Their dreams bring it to life. And it drains them of their blood, leaving them lifeless. The thing is, it only has to eat every 5 years. Once it gets its fill, it hibernates. It doesn't have fangs, a second set of teeth, like the vamps. It doesn't turn people."

Sam was impressed as he listened to Dean's explanation. "It has to drill the blood out. It doesn't just drain the blood, it drains every bodily fluid, semen, water, tears, everything liquid is drained from their bodies. That's why the victims look like they have a bluish tint, it's from every fluid being drained."

"Hmm." Sam vocalized, impressed that his brother done some research. "So, how do we kill it then?"

"Well, according to the lure, you puncture the corner of its eyes. That's the only place these things bleed from. Once you puncture them they will bleed out, until they die."

Dean was ready to kill something, he was disappointed this creature didn't require a more violent death. "Oh, and you can only kill it at night." Dean added.

"Great. So, how do we find it?"

He was still amazed that Dean had done research on his own. Then he realized, if his brother could come up with this much information, he must have been up all night. He realized what he saw, his brother jumping awake, was probably another nightmare, he must have dozed off without meaning to. Sam, at first, had figured he startled him by walking out of the bathroom.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Sam asked, a little concerned now.

"Does it matter? What do you care?" Dean mumbled under his breath.

Sam crinkled his face for just a second, he didn't expect that type of answer from his brother. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

Dean closed Sam's laptop and laid the pen he was holding in his hand down on the table. He picked up his bottle he had been drinking on, the table was littered with empty bottles.

"Really Dean?" Sam asked as he took a big swig.

"It's the breakfast of champions." Dean replied as he held his bottle in the air, driving home his point to Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes and headed to the littered table with the trash can. He proceeded to throw Dean's bottles in the trash. "Dean, how much did you drink last night?"

Dean, thinking about his night, remembering things he didn't want to remember, replied, "Not enough."

He had laid across his bed, on his stomach. But, it raised Sam's concern. Dean didn't lie with his head on his pillow, at the top of his bed. He laid with his head at the foot of the bed. Facing toward Sam, facing toward the door. Sam had found his brother doing odd things like this often, but he had figured out his code.

He knew when he reacted certain ways, like the need to observe every inch of his surroundings, not able to turn his back on anything or anyone, there was a reason behind it. This behavior that he was expressing was distrust, fear. He wasn't sure why. He didn't know if it was from a nightmare, or perhaps, judging by the comment he had made earlier, he was upset at his brother. But, why would that make him distrust him?

He didn't say anything to make him fearful. He was just being grumpy. His mind was in overdrive, he noticed the way his brother had sat in the chair at the table. He was leaning sideways, one of his legs under his body keeping him propped up, in an awkward position. It didn't mean much at the time, but Sam kept it tucked away in his memory as he tried to piece together his brother's behavior.

"You gonna shower?"

Dean shook his head. "I showered after I got back last night." His answers were complete sentences, but short and emotionless.

"You wanna go get something to eat?" Sam asked.

"Not hungry."

The thought of food threatened the bile to rise in his throat. He couldn't possibly eat right now. Sam studied his brother for a minute. He was pale looking, as if the blood had been drained from his own body. His eyes were glassed over, gazed, emotionless. Much like the expression on his face. He could have blamed it on the alcohol but Sam knew Dean too well, that wasn't the way he reacted to anything he had drunk before. Sam was lost. He didn't know what to think.

"You upset at me?" he asked, trying to figure it out.

Dean didn't answer, he didn't even take the effort to lift his head from the bed before shaking it no.

He really wasn't. His brother was allowed to be human, allowed to have emotions. He envied him right now, Sam didn't have to drink away his emotions the way Dean did.

"Did I say something…" Sam had started before he was cut off by Dean.

"Seriously? What the hell? Why all the questions, Sam? Damn, just stop it, okay?"

Dean sounded irritated. Sam had gotten up from where he was sitting and sat on Dean's bed, beside him. He reached out and put his hand on his brother's back. Wrong move! Dean flinched, not just a small flinch, it was like he wanted to get away, as far away from the touch as he could, but he was unable to move. Sam removed his hand, placing it in his lap.

"Okay, Dean, what was that all about?" He wasn't going to let it go, he wasn't going to ignore his brother's reaction.

God, Dean wished his brother would just leave him alone. He wanted so badly to talk to him last night but Sam would have nothing to do with it. Okay, maybe he was a little upset at him. When he needed him, really needed him, he shrugged him off, he didn't care. Of course, Dean had needed Sam a lot lately, so he really couldn't blame him. He was tired of it himself, he couldn't imagine what Sam was feeling.

"I'm just tired." Dean replied. "You, go get you something to eat, I'm going to try to get a little shut eye."

Sam recognized it as a sign that Dean needed some alone time. That he needed to work through whatever was running in his mind. Or maybe… "Dean? Did I do something? Do you not trust me, to be in the room with you, while you sleep?"

His eyes were narrowed on his brother, realizing if he was showing the signs of distrust and requesting his brother to leave so he could sleep, it could mean he didn't feel like he could trust him to be there if he couldn't watch him.

Dean just shook his head no. He didn't want to give his brother an answer. He didn't want to show any signs of weakness, didn't want his brother figuring anything else out.

"Fine." Sam said as he stood from the bed. "I'll leave, I'll give you your space. I wanna go to the library and see what I can find out about this 'Alp' anyhow."

Sam wasn't thrilled about this arrangement but he figured there was no point in trying to reason with his brother while he was drunk and tired. Sam left and Dean closed his eyes, not to sleep, but to finally be able to express the pain and discomfort his body was feeling. He felt sick. He had been holding it in, didn't want to throw up with his brother in the room.

Sam knew Dean well enough to know that alcohol didn't make him sick, and that damn kid was asking enough questions as it was. He pulled himself off the bed, hurrying to the bathroom and filled the toilet with his stomach contents. Falling back onto the floor once he was finished. The pain that shot through his body when he fell backward onto the floor was enough to send bile rising in his throat again.

Pushing himself back to his knees he finished emptying his stomach. He figured it wasn't a good idea to try to sit back again. He pushed himself to his feet, stopping at the sink to rinse his mouth, refusing to look at himself in the mirror. He collapsed back onto his stomach on the bed. His world was spinning, he had closed his eyes in an attempt to still his world, not meaning to keep them closed.

The last thing he wanted to do was sleep, but that's exactly what he found himself doing.

" _You enjoyed my girls, now you get to enjoy us as well."_

" _NO!" Dean shouted, he had no interest in any of this._

 _He wasn't gay, he may have been forced into some activities that may have suggested that, but he had no interest in willingly interacting with another man. If that's what the company he had found himself surrounded by was into then Dean was out. He tried to leave._

" _Here, why don't you have another drink?" One of the men offered._

 _They were foolish if they thought they were going to get Dean drunk to the point he didn't know what he was doing. They didn't know Dean._

Dean had started shifting around, restlessly in his sleep, breathing was picking up, along with his heart rate. He had sent his brother away, no one was there to stop the dream. No one to help save him from his own terrors. His mind started flashing, images, images of the night, images of nights in his past.

Fear gripping him, gripping the darkness that surrounded his sight, surrounded his thoughts. His body, feeling the tension, feeling the pain. He had started trying to fight, only fighting empty air while he slept. The only thing to hold on to were the covers he was lying on. Hours had passed since Sam had left, between the sickness in the bathroom and the nightmare Dean was suffering he hadn't accomplished anything else while his brother was gone.

Sam returned, finding himself walking into the room with Dean broken into a heavy sweat, fear stricken, terrors in his moans, crying out loud, one hand grasping the surface below him the other in the air as if he was trying to push someone, or something, away.

"NO, no, please no!" Dean was begging, a painful plead.

Sam rushed to his brother's side, shaking him gently. He was a little panicked, trying to get his brother awake. He tried to keep a calm tone in his voice.

"Dean, DEAN, come on man, wake up. Dean, wake up! It's just a dream, it's just a dream, you're just having a nightmare, I need you to wake up."

He shook his brother harder with each attempt. He wasn't waking. Sam placed his arm under his shoulders and lifted him up, holding him against his body, holding the trembling still with Dean's head laid against his chest.

"Come on man, wake up. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I left you alone. I need you to wake up, you can't keep doing this. I need my big brother back. I need you, Dean. I need you to wake up."

Sam had a tear sneak out of his eye and drip on his brother's head. He held him for a few moments, trying to wake him, until Dean had started to respond. He tried to fight Sam away as he was first waking, but Sam had calmed him, reassuring him it was only him and no one else.

His brother's calming words and comforting, caring touch, helped keep Dean calm as he had woken from the terrors in his head. Once he was fully conscious, and calmed enough that his breathing was close to normal, his heart rate slowed. He grimaced with the pain that was shooting through his body, unable to take much more of it.

Sam couldn't miss it, there was no way of mistaking the pain his brother expressed. It was physical pain, not emotional pain. He loosened his grip on Dean, allowing him to move himself, to readjust his body to ease the pain. He quickly pulled up the memory of the way his brother sat in the chair when Sam had woken him earlier.

Dean allowed his body to fall sideways on his bed, but quickly changed positions so his back wasn't facing toward his brother. Not that he didn't trust his brother, but, his mind couldn't think straight right now and he didn't want to mess up and get himself hurt worse while in his daze.

Sam couldn't mistake that reaction either, Dean remained on his side, avoiding lying on his back at all, he had curled his legs so his knees were pulled up toward his chest, easing an unsettling pain in his stomach.

"Dean, what's going on, man? Talk to me." Sam pleaded.

He had a sickening feeling in his stomach, he wasn't sure why, but something didn't feel right in Sam's gut instinct. This wasn't like any time before, sure, he was worried about his brother's wellbeing, but this, this was a different worry.


	6. Chapter 6

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 6

Dean had laid there regaining himself. His brother's gentle, calming words allowing the pain that was piercing through his body to relax. It was left as the only evidence of his dream, but, then again, that pain wasn't from the dream. It was the cause of the dream.

Sam had left his brother's side long enough to use the bathroom, once in there, he noticed signs of his brother's vomit still present in spots around the toilet and on the floor. He was feeling so sick he couldn't even clean after himself. He was always sure to clean any signs of sickness from his brother.

At some point, that Dean didn't remember, he had taken a shower, probably an attempt to clean the dirty feeling off him, again, leaving drops of blood in the bottom of the tub. Dean was far from being aware of his brother's discoveries, he was still lost in his own mind.

Sam returned to the room, finding his brother laying under the covers, shivering. It wasn't cold in the room, but Dean was cold. It was obvious he was shaking from more than just the tremors of fear. Once Sam had returned it didn't take Dean long to leap out of bed and rush himself to the bathroom.

What came next, scared the hell out of Dean. He wasn't sure if it was normal or not, but he couldn't remember this happening before. It had been so many years, he couldn't remember what was normal and what wasn't. He thought he had to use the toilet. He was dreading it, knowing how much it would hurt, the pain he did remember from before, but after not being able to handle the abdominal pain any longer, he rushed himself in there.

The thing is, he didn't have to use the bathroom like he expected, he filled the toilet with blood. Bright red blood. Nothing mixed, just blood, some of it clotted, the clots were a darker red. But, the pain that shot through his stomach with the release of the blood was worse than he had ever felt before, he collapsed with a groan of pain. He was holding his arms around his stomach and curling into a ball on the floor.

Sam heard the thud and groaning as he hit the floor, concerned for his brother he rushed to the door, damn it! Dean had locked it! Sam banged on the door, doing a poor job at keeping his voice from sounding panicked.

"Dean, you okay? Dean?" Sam wasn't going to wait very long without an answer.

Dean was awake, he was just unable to answer through the pain. "Sam." was all he could barely get out, barely audible enough for his brother to hear through the door. That was enough for him, that's all he needed to hear. With all the other odd signs he had noticed, every red flag was already raised.

"Move from in front of the door, I'm kicking it in."

Sam warned, just in case, a second before he kicked the door in, breaking it at the lock. The sight of the blood, filling the toilet and following Dean onto the ground, running down his legs, his pants still pulled down, was enough to send shivers through Sam's body. The fact that his brother was laying on the cold floor, shivering in a ball added anger to those shivers.

He was ready to kill someone, he didn't know who, he didn't know why, had no idea what was going on with his brother, but none of that mattered at this point, his brotherly, protective instinct took over every emotion in his body.

"Dean, oh my god, that's a lot of blood." Sam said in shock.

He knew his brother was shivering, but also knew he had blood running down his legs, soaking his clothes, so either way he was going to need to be cleaned, and they were already in the bathroom. Sam turned the shower on to a nice warm temperature, making sure there were plenty of towels in the bathroom with them, he helped lift Dean off the floor.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

He had closed the toilet lid but not yet flushed it. He needed to look at it closer, make sure he wasn't losing too much blood or that something didn't seem too wrong. He helped lay Dean in the bottom of the shower, allowing the warm water to both, warm him and wash away the blood. He removed his brother's clothing, they were getting soaked anyhow, even if they weren't covered in blood. That's when he saw it, that's when the pit of his stomach fell to the ground.

"Oh Dean, what the hell did you get yourself into?" Sam asked him, not expecting an answer.

He had restraint marks on his wrists, they looked like they were from ropes, tied so tight they had dug into his skin, causing burn marks and open wounds wrapping all the way around his wrists and part of his arm, from what Sam could only assume was a struggle to get out of the restraints. Bruising on his shoulders that appeared to be hand marks, his brother had done a good job hiding them, but an especially good job hiding the rope marks around his throat, and if Sam didn't know better it looked like bruising in the shape of fingers wrapped around his neck as well.

He had noticed some wounds, some bruising to his face but thought nothing of it, that was a normal occurrence for the brothers. He had what appeared to have claw marks, not by any animal, but human claw marks down his back. They were red and whelped up. With hints of broken skin, that at one point appeared to be bleeding. Dark bruising covered his brother's thighs, the darkest bruises were inside his thighs, the lighter bruising wrapped around both, the front and the back.

He had bruising to his ankles and lower legs, with what looked like more finger and hand marks, but he didn't see any restraint marks caused by anything else, like ropes, the way he did on his wrists. Bruises covered mostly the right side of his body, along his rib cage and there were bruises along his abdomen. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any serious injuries, not to say he wasn't hurt, he definitely got his ass kicked, that's for sure!

And chances are, judging by the feeling rising in his chest, a lot more happened than just some fists causing bruises. Once he was satisfied with the majority of the blood rinsed off his brother, he took a moment, leaving him in the warm water that was falling down on him, to turn on the heat in the room, it wasn't cold in there, but for someone who was shivering from blood loss, it had to have been much colder than it was to Sam.

He laid a few towels on the bed, where his brother would lay, and covered them with some sheets that were folded in the dresser drawers, he also found 2 blankets folded in the draws and laid them both out, covering Dean's bed, he pulled back the covers and had everything ready for his brother.

He grabbed a thick sweatshirt, one Dean hated to wear but after a bad hunt, if he was injured, he would wear it for comfort. He wasn't sure if he really needed to put any bottoms on him, he opted out of it, thinking it would be more comfortable, and cleaner, without them. He just hoped his brother was too out of it to protest.

Once everything was ready, he turned the water off and covered Dean with the towels, carefully patting him dry and helping him out of the tub. He finished drying him, helping with putting the sweatshirt on, he wrapped the towel around Dean's waste and helped him to his bed. Dean didn't protest. He didn't even protest when Sam took the towel wrapped around him and placed it between his legs, like a diaper style, he just wanted to make his brother feel more comfortable, not so vulnerable, but he also wanted to make it easier on himself if he needed to clean blood. Dean had laid on his left side, it seemed the most comfortable for him, plus he was able to face Sam's bed, something he needed for reassurance.

Dean had drifted in and out of consciousness, but not without his brother right by his side. He had curled himself into a ball under the covers. Guilt had filled Sam. He was so irritated with Dean. He needed a break from the constant neediness of his brother.

He got pissed when Dean came home drunk, even more pissed when he had tried to talk to him. Damn it Sam, he thought to himself, your brother tried to talk to you and you basically told him to shut up and wouldn't have anything to do with it. He recalled their quick conversation and Sam was being a jerk, he could admit that.

And Dean, he was needing him, apparently, he was needing him more than Sam could ever imagine. The thing that bothered him the most is he knew his brother wanted to talk, he knew he wanted to tell him something, but instead of listening he turned a deaf ear. He didn't want to talk to him, he didn't care what he had to tell him. He wasn't completely sure what had happened, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the basics of it.

"It's… it's so cold… it's so cold, SSam." Dean stuttered out through a ragged breath. His body was still shivering.

"You've lost a lot of blood." Sam replied, he was thankful their room had a complimentary microwave.

He had taken some rags and soaked them in water, placing them in the microwave for a few seconds to warm them up and placing them around Dean's body, trying to keep him warm. Dean didn't say too much, he had the occasional groan of pain, the audible shiver of coldness.

"Ssssam, 'm sorry." Dean managed to get out between shivers.

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

Sam was checking the warmth, or coolness of Dean's face with his hand, Dean had subconsciously leaned his head into Sam's hand. He would never admit it, no matter how bad he had gotten, but he wanted, more than anything, to have his brother lay beside him, well, since Dean was in pain on his back and didn't want anyone behind him, he wanted his brother to lay in front of him. Allowing him to grasp onto the last of the body heat he could offer, the last of the moments of care and adoration. He wanted to feel safe again.

Sam wanted, so badly to know what had happened, but he was more concerned about his brother's health, he had to keep him from losing more blood, had to stop the shivering. Sam had stripped to his boxers and t-shirt, the room much too hot for him, but Dean was still cold. Dean drifted in and out of consciousness.

While he slept, he begged someone, or something, to stop, he repeated "no" more times than Sam could count. Sam felt helpless, he had left his brother for a little while, snuck into an ambulance that was sitting idle the parking lot of the diner. He quickly gathered everything he could fit into his bag, everything he thought he would need to help his brother, and quickly retrieved back to the room.

He had started an IV in his brother's arm, filling him with much needed fluids. He had been inside an ambulance before, he knew what they had, so he was smart enough to grab the fluid warmer as well. It was only a bag that plugged into the truck, it has a warmer in it, allowing Sam to use the warm fluids to give to Dean, and replace them with other bags he had taken, to warm those up next.

There was aspirin, but Sam thought it best not to give him that since it can thin the blood and he has already lost enough of that. There was ibuprophen, he decided that could help with the pain but it also lowers fevers, and Dean didn't have a fever, if anything his body temperature was too low already. But, the fluids seemed to be doing the best.

He had gathered the combat gauze, it was designed to stop bleeding, but it had to be packed into the wound. Sam wasn't sure if Dean would allow that. But, honestly, Sam needed to examine his brother, he needed to know if the blood was coming from tears and injuries caused by an external force, or if it was something more internal, perhaps damage due to the depth of force.

He took advantage of the times Dean slipped into unconsciousness to check his bleeding, but didn't dare touch him, he didn't want to startle him or cause increased nightmares. Once Dean had started calming down and feeling better Sam took the opportunity to talk to Dean about needing to examine him. Dean wasn't happy about that at all.

He explained to Dean about the gauze and the way it would work if that's what the problem was, he reassured him that he understood it wouldn't be the most comfortable, and may cause some emotional distress. Dean agreed and was hesitant, but he understood it was important to allow his brother to do what he needed. He rolled on his stomach, buried his face in his pillow while biting down on it. His body tensed up, his mind was running crazy, but he allowed his brother to do what he needed.

Once Sam was finished, and packed the gauze to stop the bleeding, and Dean was able to regain himself, he was ready to go! Sam wanted, so badly, to talk to his brother, to find out what had happened. Dean noticed his brother's expressions, he knew he wanted to ask, but Dean didn't have time. He was on a mission. He had to push through the pain, through the weakness he was still feeling.

He was feeling better since Sam was able to give him some medical attention, all though, what he had just done, didn't feel too comfortable. If he had time to dwell on it he was sure he would have a lot of anxiety, the feeling like everything was happening again, but he didn't have time for that.

"Sam, we have to kill that thing, tonight."

Sam was shocked by Dean's comment. He had gone from feeling like crap to being ready to hunt, or at least he thought he was ready. Sam wrinkled his face at the thought of his brother hunting in his condition.

"Dean, I don't think that's such a great idea."

Dean still wasn't able to sit properly, not without pain piercing through his body.

"Sam," Dean's voice had lowered with his head, he almost sounded as he had been completely defeated. "Look, this creature is created through dreams, that's why you can only kill it at night, it also has a weak spot for pregnant ladies. I don't know why. I don't know if maybe their dreams are different. The lure says that if a pregnant woman does something the Alp deems "wrong" or "bad" it will kill her, and her unborn child. I looked it up, Sam, the autopsy reports to the victims, the women were all pregnant, some of them may have not even known yet, but some of them did. That's one thing that wasn't in the police reports."

Sam was impressed, he had sat on the edge of his own bed, listening to Dean's findings. "Okay" he replied.

"Okay," Dean repeated, "so, look… I… I'll entertain you okay? I'll give you every gory detail if that's what you want, whatever, okay Sam? I promise, I know, it's a promise I'll probably regret, but… later, okay? Sam, please? Later!"

He paused, not sure why the hell he just said what he did. "The thing is, last night, there were… a lot… of people… I don't know… but I do know that one of the ladies there, she was pregnant. She was probably just starting to show, but, there's no way, if the Alp is around, that it wouldn't deem what she was doing as wrong. Trust me, there was nothing "right" about anything… I…. um… anyhow… yeah…"

Dean had started stuttering, he had lost his train of thought.

"So, the Alp, you think it might come after this woman?" Sam questioned, bringing Dean back to what he was saying.

"Yeah, yeah." Dean replied. "I think, she might be its next target, or will at least be a target, at some point. I don't know, Sam. It's just a feeling, I guess. I've never hunted an Alp." Dean completed.

His mind was starting to become foggy again, his body weak and trembling, the pain was sneaking back through his body, exhaustion setting in. God, he felt like crap on a cracker. But, there was something to hunt, a life to save, that always helped keep his mind occupied and away from whatever was happening in his body.

"So, Dean, how do we do this? What do we do?" Sam asked.

Dean, crinkled his forehead "I don't know" he replied. "I… I can't go back… Sam… I can't"

"I don't expect you to, Dean" Sam said, understanding the sadness in his brother's voice, with a trace of fear. "Dean," Sam began, gently, "I don't expect you to go anywhere near anyone you don't wanna be around, okay? You just… you tell me what to do and I'll do it. You don't have to, okay?"

Dean shook his head no and replied with a chuckle, "are you kidding me? I'm itching to kill something right about now."

Sam just gave his brother a smile, knowing exactly what he meant. "Okay" Sam replied, "so, we find the woman or what?"

Dean shook his head, "she… she lived… there." was all he could say.

"Where is there?" Sam asked.

Dean froze, realizing if he took his brother there then he would be taking him to the place that held his latest nightmare.

"Dean," Sam started slow and calm, "Where is there? You gotta tell me, or show me, if you want to kill this Alp, then we gotta do it. I… I understand, okay? I can't imagine, but I understand. But, you need to understand, right now, it's about the job, it's about hunting something, saving someone."

Sam felt like the lowest person on Earth right now, he didn't want to push his brother anymore than he had been, but it was important if they were going to kill this thing. "The more information about the person, or people in the home the better. If you recall, the other victims, everyone in their homes were killed. Do you really think this place would be any different?"

Sam made sense. Dean had no desire to even look at the place again, or talk about it. He was starting to think Sam's idea of going alone sounded better and better, but he couldn't send his brother alone, he had to watch his back.

"What time is it?" Dean asked.

"5:45" Sam answered.

"At night?"

"Yeah"

Dean just nodded his head with that information.

"What day is it?" Dean then questioned.

"Saturday" was Sam's reply followed by another nod from Dean.

"Okay," Dean said, taking a pause to catch his breath that was starting to show his panic, before continuing. "If… if everything goes the same, I don't know, I can't be sure, but… she does work at the bar. So, she, no one, will get home until later. Um… last night… I went home with those two ladies. We had a good time, it was a little early, everything considered, I guess, maybe around 10?"

Dean's voice shook as he talked. "They were roommates, they had other roommates. It's a home with 4 females who live there, from what I could gather, or remember, none of the… guys… lived there, I don't know if that means they stay the night, a lot, or go home after… I don't know."

Dean had started closing his eyes more than he opened them, he didn't want to do this and he sure as hell didn't want to face Sam. He was feeling panic rising in him, keeping his eyes closed, helped keep him from feeling like he was going to vomit. His breath was starting to show the panic he felt.

"But… I think… they won't go to sleep until late… we have to wait for her to sleep, and dream. I don't know how to get into the house, how to get past people if they are there, I mean, I know the easiest way, but, Sam, I can't do that, I'm sorry but I can't."

Dean was apologizing for not being able to subject himself to the abuse he endured the night before.

"Dean" Sam, sounding equally as pitiful, "it's okay, man, it's okay. I don't want you to. I don't want you to have to do that. We'll figure it out, okay?"

Dean just nodded his head, he continued to lay, half on his side and half on his stomach, on his bed, his eyes closed, pain and exhaustion was setting in stronger than he was able to fight it.

"Dean, if it's not going to be until late, you need to rest." Sam suggested.

Dean didn't disagree, but the thought of sleep scared him.

"Dean, it's okay." Sam reassured his brother. "Do you know where their house is at? I'll go check it out, see what I can figure out about getting an entry."

Sam was hoping his brother would tell him. He really did want to investigate the place, but he also wanted to know where his brother's torture took place.

"It's… we walked, from the bar, two streets down, on the left, it was a two-story white house, we walked through a metal walk in gate, a sidewalk, 2 or 3 stone steps into the house. It was on the left side of the road, I'm not sure how many houses down, maybe 3? 4? Maybe the second house from the corner? I don't know, Sam. I… I didn't want to remember, but I guess hunter's instinct is stronger?"

"Okay" Sam replied. "I'm going to go check it out, see what I can figure out. You rest, okay?"

Sam was hoping his brother would be able to rest, instead, he pulled himself from the bed, preparing to go with his brother.

"Dean, no, you don't need to come." Sam said, trying to stop him so he could rest.

"I can't sleep anyhow." Dean replied.

He didn't want Sam to go there alone, just in case. So, the brothers, loaded in the car, Sam drove, Dean was in no condition to drive. They drove to the home, Dean pointed it out. He was obviously uncomfortable, with the physical ride there, and the fact he was back at that house. But, he had a job to do, and he was going to do it.

The brothers, staying together, Dean not letting Sam out of his sight, snuck around the house, finding any openings, it wasn't hard, the back door was wide opened, windows were unlocked. There didn't appear to be anyone home. Sam made his way inside, an act that Dean was not happy about.

"Sam, Sam!" Dean whispered, trying to stop him from entering the home. But he'd be damned if he lets Sam go in there alone, so he followed, close behind him.

Dean did not want to be in there. But, Sam suggested since it appeared to be empty, they should scope out the inside, locate the correct bedrooms, know the layout of the house. They located the pregnant woman's room.

"Okay, Sam we found what we need, come on, let's go." Dean suggested, with panic in his tone.

Sam wasn't ready to leave, no matter how much Dean insisted they did. Sam, wondering around the house, located a room that stopped Dean in his tracks. He was frozen, in fear. This room, it was like an adult playroom, obvious sex room. Different adult toys and gadgets, a couple beds, both with cuffs and ropes attached to the headboards and footboards. There was blood. Dried blood, on one of the beds.

"Let… let's go… Sam…. Come on… please." Dean sounded desperate.

"Dean." Sam's voice was shaky, "Dean, is this… is this where…" He couldn't finish his question.

"Sam," Dean replied, "Let's go… before… come on we don't wanna get caught." Dean reminded Sam they were in a place they weren't supposed to be.

"Uh, yeah." Sam replied.

He turned to leave, turned and looked at Dean's face for the first time since they entered the home. Dean had a look of horror. He had gone pale, Sam hoped it was from the horror on his face and not from blood loss.

"Come on Dean, let's get out of here." Sam said as he tried to gently take his brother's arm and turn him toward the door.

Dean didn't budge. He was lost in his own mind. Lost in the fear that gripped him.

"Dean! Come on man!" Sam said louder, trying to get his attention, trying to get any reaction out of him.

Dean, remained frozen, staring at the bed with the blood, wide eyed, his body trembling, his breath panicking. Sam ended up forcing his brother out of the room. It took a lot of effort, but once they were out of the room, Dean started coming to his senses and didn't have any problem leaving the house. Making sure no one saw them, they got back in their car and left the area, heading back to their room to discuss their plan of action.


	7. Chapter 7

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 7

"Dean, you okay?" Sam asked once they had safely made it back into their room.

He wasn't sure why he asked. He knew if his brother answered it wouldn't be an honest answer. But, not to Sam's surprise, Dean didn't reply to his question. He had gently collapsed on his bed. He had to take a break from the seated position. He was so uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable, mentally shaken.

He closed his eyes to block out the world. He needed a moment to himself, before discussing anything about the hunt. Once he had calmed himself enough, and endured enough abdominal pain, he pulled himself from his laying position and headed to the bathroom, pausing at the open door.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Has it been long enough?"

Sam racked his brain, long enough for what? His puzzled look as he thought must have been evident that he didn't know what Dean was talking about.

"To, you know, remove it?" Dean clarified himself.

"I don't know" Sam answered honestly. "I have more, if we need it. You can try I guess, see what happens? Give your body a break if nothing else?" Sam suggested, knowing it had to feel like hell to Dean.

Dean just nodded his head, as he headed into the bathroom. He wasn't able to lock the door, it was barely even closeable, since Sam had kicked it in. Didn't matter, he had been violated and exposed in every way possible anyhow. He chose to remove the uncomfortable gauze, but didn't happen without pain, and blood. 'damn it!' Dean thought to himself, am I still bleeding? How bad is this?

He didn't remember ever bleeding this bad, no matter what his body was subjected to, the night Sam left for college being the worst, he didn't bleed this bad. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, something was seriously wrong. He wasn't about to tell Sam. They had a hunt to do and he couldn't do it from a hospital bed, and monster or no monster, he wasn't going to allow his brother to be around that group of people alone.

"Dean, you okay?" Sam asked, concerned that his brother had been in the bathroom for so long.

Dean didn't realize he had gotten lost in thought while sitting there, honestly it was kind of a relief from the pain he had been feeling while sitting, but he couldn't explain that to Sam.

"Yeah." he said as he removed himself from the bathroom, "sorry, got lost in thought." he added as he laid back on his bed.

"How's the bleeding?" Sam asked.

He knew his brother didn't want to talk about it, but he needed to know, he needed to know if he had to watch his brother for signs of too much blood loss. Dean didn't respond, he just closed his eyes, that question made him feel queasy.

"Dean?" Sam repeated, "How's the bleeding?" he wasn't about to let it drop without an answer.

Dean not wanting to answer, not sure how to answer, mumbled "Fine, its fucking fine, hasn't gone anywhere."

Sam shook his head with frustration. Why did his brother have to be so difficult? "So, has it gotten any better? Slowed any?" Sam asked.

"Sam, stop, please." Dean mumbled as a response.

He was laying on top the covers, on his stomach, but had placed his head back at the foot of the bed, near Sam, and the door. Still untrusting of the world around him. But, he couldn't keep his eyes opened enough to really be able to pay attention to much.

"Dean, why don't you get some sleep? We still have a few hours before we'll be able to even think about starting this hunt, I need you rested, especially if you're gonna be watching my back."

Sam had a point, he was right, if Dean was going to protect his brother then he needed to be on top of his game.

"What about you?" Dean mumbled.

"Dude, I'm not as exhausted as you are," Sam answered, "you can't even keep your eyes opened."

He had pointed out the obvious and there was no way Dean could argue with that. Dean's mind was glazed over, unable to work properly, his emotions running around, unchecked. Pain he wasn't able to control, piercing through every inch of his body, it felt like pins pricking him everywhere. Anxiety rising, fear joining in. He must have had some physical reaction to his emotions, Sam had stopped what he was doing at the table and sat beside Dean on his bed.

"Hey," He said calmly as he laid a soft, gentle hand on his brother's back. "It's okay, I'm right here, Dean, I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving."

Dean, without noticing, had pressed his body against Sam's. He had rolled onto his right side, which Sam knew was painful because of the amount of bruising, and had gotten as close to the safety of his brother that he could.

Sam understood, they had been here before, Dean was feeling lost, unsure of what was going on inside himself, and for good reasons. Sam convinced Dean to turn his body so his head was laying on his pillow. Sam placed his pillow in the middle of the bed, giving Dean the sign to not lay on the edge. He had retrieved his pillows from his bed and leaned them against the headboard of Dean's bed.

He sat, beside his brother, the laptop sitting on the table beside them, Sam propped himself against his pillows in a semi sitting position. Dean had curled himself into a ball, under all the covers. The fact he was under all the covers, and his body was trembling, had Sam concerned about blood loss. But, he wanted his brother to rest. Sam had already been creating a plan B in his own mind, one just in case Dean wasn't able to come along, or wasn't able to function once he was in the house. Once again, Dean had pressed his body as close to Sam's as he could.

"Dean," Sam begun, "it's okay to be scared right now, you know that, right? It's okay to not know what you're feeling inside, to be confused. It's okay to feel like you can't do this on your own. But, most importantly, it's okay to need me."

Sam knew his brother better than anyone, he could tell exactly what he was thinking, and feeling. Dean wrapped an arm around his brother's waist and buried his face into his brother's side. He already had his body pressed against him. Tears had started falling, just a few, but still they were tears, for the first time since this happened. Sam had wrapped his arm around his brother and placed his hand on his back, reassuring him that he was there, there for him.

"Sam" Dean's voice was muffled from Sam's side, but he could still understand his words clear enough. "I… I just… I need… to feel… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry I'm not strong enough"

He had turned his head so his face wasn't buried into Sam and his words weren't muffled anymore. "I'm sorry" Dean continued, "I just… I know I'm your big brother, you're supposed to lean on me. I'm supposed to be the one protecting you." Dean's tears started gaining in number.

"Dean," Sam replied, "it's okay, yeah you're my big brother, and that means that as your little brother, I'm supposed to be there for you too."

Dean just laid there for a moment with his eyes closed. "I want… to… I don't want to… move." Dean stuttered out.

"Then don't" Sam replied, he was perfectly fine with the way his brother was laying.

"I… feel… safe, Sam, I want to feel… I do feel… safe, with you… right now" Dean managed to get out what he wanted to say.

"Dean, you are safe." Sam reassured. "I won't let anything happen to you, as long as I'm around, I promise!"

Dean lightly nodded his head as he drifted to sleep. Sam felt a little guilty because the truth was, he did allow something to happen to his brother, because he left him and chose to not be around when he needed him the most.

Dean slept comfortably, like a child, wrapped in his brother's arms. The fact that his brother had gotten the laptop off the table beside him and placed it on his lap, doing some more research, didn't seem to bother Dean at all, it made it a little difficult for Sam, since one hand was wrapped around Dean, but he didn't mind, he would rather make sure his brother felt safe than make things easier on himself.

Sam started to drift off himself, he set his alarm for 9:30pm. He laid his head against Dean's, pushing himself down on the bed, adjusting into a more comfortable position, carefully, without waking Dean, Sam curled his body into Dean's, the way they did when they were younger, and both brothers seemed to rest, comfortably, happily, safely, within each other's arms.

The alarm went off way too soon! They could have both gotten a full night of restful sleep, but they had a job to do.

"You ready for this?" Sam asked Dean.

"Yeah, let's kill this son of a bitch." Dean replied as he made his way to the bathroom.

The fact he returned to the room with his arm holding his stomach didn't leave Sam feeling too good about Dean going on a hunt. He gave his brother an eyebrow raised, questioned look.

"It stopped." was all Dean replied as he carefully sat on the bed to put his boots on.

When the boys arrived at the house, it was obvious they were having a get together, much like the night before, while Dean was there. They gathered what they would need for the hunt, and waited.

"Dean, you sure you want to do this?" Sam questioned, he really didn't want to do this alone, but didn't want to subject his brother to something he couldn't handle.

"I got this." Dean replied, adding, "you just remember we are here to kill the Alp, not any humans."

"But, if one gets in the way?" Sam questioned.

"No" Dean replied.

He was set on the hunt, set on the creature they were after, he could care less about the people inside. The brothers sat in the car, waiting for what seemed like forever, it was at least a couple hours. The silence was uncomfortable, sitting was uncomfortable, talking was uncomfortable. Dean was about to climb out of his skin. He couldn't take much more of this. He was itching for a kill, but also wanting to get as far away as he could.

Finally, people started leaving, the house got dark one light at a time. The main light, the one to the room they were focused on, finally, went dark. They watched it for a little while longer, waiting, knowing she had to start dreaming, watching for any sign they might see.

When they saw flickering through her window, not from the light, more like from something that had entered the room, that was their sign. They snuck around back and through the door, Dean led the way. Sam was just far enough behind Dean that if he got caught they wouldn't see Sam. That's the way they always worked, it went without saying, if they were both caught during a hunt then there was no one left to save them.

The house was dark, pitch black, they were both glad they had scoped it out earlier since they found themselves having to feel their way around. Sam, accidently, knocked over a row of beer bottles, leaving them all to come crashing down, shattering on the ground. Both brothers froze in their tracks.

"Shit!" Dean whispered as he saw movement from the other room, "Sam, go, get this done." Dean whispered as he stood his ground.

Sam noticed the movement as well, he knew his brother was in trouble, they had already noticed him. Dean was standing out in the open, unlike Sam who was behind a wall where no one could see him.

"Well, well, well." One of the male voices said. "Look who came back for more." He added with a chuckle.

"Yeah, came back to finish you off." Dean said with a smirk, as they retrieved the gun from his side.

"Doesn't look like you're doing a very good job at that." Another voice said.

"The night's not over yet." Dean replied.

The man laughed, a full belly laugh. "No, it's not! I wonder what kind of fun we can come up with to finish off the night?" The man had reached down and grabbed Dean's crotch in his hands as he spoke.

Dean had the men's full attention. Sam was able to sneak past them, around the other side and up the stairs without them noticing, they were too focused on Dean to notice anything else. Sam knew, he had to hurry, he had to kill this Alp and save his brother. His brother! He couldn't focus on that right now, he had a task he had to carry out.

Once inside the girl's room he saw the Alp. It was disguised as a female, hovering over the sleeping victim. It's long, drill like claws, ready to dig into her neck, until Sam stopped it, he startled it. The Alp didn't seem too concerned, it just had another body it could feast on. It would go back to the girl, but first had to take care of Sam before he got rid of it. It leaped at him and pushed him to the ground. Sam and the Alp started battling it out. The commotion woke the soon to be sleeping victim.

"Get out of here!" Sam shouted at the girl who had woke.

She was in shock, she wasn't sure what was going on. The Alp had changed shape, changed disguise. It didn't look like a woman anymore, it looked like a pure monster. In the shuffle, it had tried to drill into Sam's neck, it succeeded leaving a wound but missed his artery. Sam was never more thankful. He eventually fought it hard enough, he was on top, holding it to the ground, pulling out the pick and jabbing it in the corner of its right eye. Just the way Dean had said.

Blood came squirting out, faster than what Sam was expecting. He was instantly covered in its blood. But it hadn't died yet, it had to bleed out to die. The girl on the bed was crying and shaking. She still didn't know what was going on. Sam, grabbed the rope he had brought and started to tie the monster up, while he was attempting to explain what was going on.

"Sorry, to just barge in on you like this. It's just, well, my brother and I, this is kind of what we do, we hunt monsters, kill them, save people, you know, kind of like this."

She was even more shocked, "Wh…what is that?" She asked.

"It's an Alp" Sam stated, "it's kind of like a vampire, only it goes after pregnant women, it starts in their dreams."

"So, where's your brother?" She questioned.

"Downstairs, with your lovely friends, that's why I don't have time to wait for this thing to die, I gotta go help him." Sam's voice was panicked.

"Oh, God!" She gasped.

"Yeah." Sam finished tightening the knots, grabbing his bag, and heading out of her room to help Dean. "Come on."

She jumped off her bed and followed him. Once they were down the steps, he pushed her behind a wall, where she couldn't be seen. "Stay here." He whispered, "Don't go back up there, just in case, got it?"

She nodded her head yes, "Hey." She whispered back. "Be careful." she added as Sam gave her another glance and headed to his brother's help.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw. Dean had fought at first but was quickly overtaken by the 6 men that surrounded him. Once they got the upper hand on him, his fear had him frozen. He didn't put up as much of a fight to get away, not the way he did the night before. When Sam entered the room, he saw his brother laid over a table. One person had his left arm, pulling it so far back there was no way it wasn't pulled out of its socket.

The man, on top of his brother, showing no mercy, pounding as hard and deep as he could into his brother. He was holding Dean's right hand down on the table. His left hand, wrapped around Dean's throat, pulling his head back as far as it could go, cutting off all possible air.

Sam wasn't sure, judging by the position of his head, that his neck wasn't broken. Dean wasn't fighting, frozen at this point, possibly from the lack of air. Sam wasn't completely sure his brother was still conscious, it was too dark and there was no sign of movement coming from him. Both of them with their pants around their knees.

Sam knew what Dean had said, but right now, he didn't care. He pulled out his gun, they didn't even know he was there. He let off a shot, splattering the man's brains all over the room. Everyone froze in shock then scattered out of the house, not even waiting to see where the shot came from. Dean, instantly fell to the ground. Sam ran to his side.

"Dean? Dean! You okay? You with me, man?" Sam was scared, until Dean started coughing, gasping for air. Sam's heart settled a little. "Hey man, let's get your clothes back up, okay?" he said as he helped pull Dean's pants back up.

"The… the Alp?" Dean gasped out.

"I gotta go check it," Sam replied, "I stabbed it, I had to leave it tied up, so it couldn't get away, so I could come help you."

"The girl?" Dean, still gasping for air, had rolled onto his knees, curling them under his body.

"I'm right here" She said from behind Sam.

Both brothers were startled and looked up. Dean instantly regaining his composure. Her heart sunk, she recognized him from last night.

"Let's go see if it's dead." Dean suggested as he used his brother to help him off the floor.

His left shoulder was shooting pain down his arm, leaving it unusable. Sam helped Dean stumble up the stairs and into the room, the girl following close behind. When they entered the room the Alp was dead, it had bled out. Sitting in a pool of blood, the same bluish tint of its victims. Lifeless, looking like the woman it had disguised itself as. Dean turned, looked at the girl who was wide eyed.

"Nice friends you keep."

She lowered her head, "Look, I… I don't have much of a choice, not any more than you did." she paused as the tears dripped from her eyes and she made eye contact with Dean.

"You mean, they force you to live like this? To have sex with them? With who they want you to?" Dean asked, his voice full of concern.

"Like some human trafficking thing or something?" Sam added.

She nodded her head yes.

Dean, wrapped his good arm around her, pulling her close to him, she buried her face in his chest. He held her for a moment before speaking again. "Do you want out? Do you want to get away from here? Away from them?"

She was crying into his chest, unable to speak, she just nodded her head yes.

Dean released his grip on her and pulled her back just slightly. "Gather some stuff, we need to get the hell out of here before the cops show up." Dean suggested.

"I don't think you have to worry about that, not with them." she stated but, still, she dried her eyes and hurried to pack a couple bags of belongings.

She wasn't even sure who they were, but they had just saved her life, even if they did seem a bit strange, she wasn't going to question them if they were willing to get her out.

They quickly left the house. She sat in the back seat and the boys in the front. Dean wasn't prepared for the wave of pain when he sat in the seat, it came as a surprise that he was unable to hide the reaction from. Sam noticed it, but being that they had a guest in their presence he didn't say anything.

"Bethany" the girl in the back seat said.

Sam and Dean didn't realize they never got her name. "I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean."

Dean was sitting sideways, holding his left shoulder with his right hand. "You got anywhere you can go?"

"Um, I don't know." She replied. "Maybe, yeah, I can go back home. I haven't seen my mom in several years and I know she's worried about me, and she'll help me with the baby." She rubbed her stomach when she said that.

Dean had a sinking feeling in his stomach, this girl was forced into a situation she didn't want to be in, forced to be with men she didn't want to be with, and has a baby on the way as a result. Sam pulled up to their motel room.

"We gotta get our stuff." Sam stated. "Come on." he motioned to Bethany. "It'll be safer if we stay together until we can get out of this town."

Bethany agreed and quickly followed the brothers into their room. They rushed to gather their belongings so they could get out of town before anyone came after them. It was still dark out, day hadn't broken the darkness yet.

"Dean, need me to pop that back in place?" Sam asked, motioning to his shoulder that he was holding.

Dean just nodded his head yes.

Sam grabbed his arm and with a loud grunt of pain Dean's shoulder was back in place. Sam looked into his eyes, they looked so lost. He was going through the motions but had no emotions. The look he gave Sam, told him not to push him, to leave him alone, he had to finish what they were doing.

To Dean, this hunt wasn't over, it wasn't over until the person they had set out to save was safe. They threw their belongings in the trunk and headed down the road.

"So, where's the nearest bus station?" Sam asked, hoping the girl would have an answer.

"I don't know" she replied, sheepishly, "I wasn't really allowed out, just work, and home. I'm not from here. I don't know much about the towns around us."

"It's okay, we'll figure it out" Sam replied.

Dean remained quiet. He wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure how to act, what to do.

"You can call me Beth" she said, "that's what my family always called me."

"Okay, then Beth it is." Sam replied.

She was sitting in the back-passenger seat and had leaned forward in her seat, she took both her arms, and wrapped them around the front seat and around Dean's chest. He was startled at first, but only showed evidence of a small jerk. She squeezed him a little tighter when he jumped. Her way of comforting him, letting him know he was okay, she wasn't going to hurt him.

"I could always just hang out with you guys" she suggested.

Dean chuckled a little at that. "You don't want to do that. We don't have a home, we live out of the car, or motel rooms, and well, as you saw, we don't exactly have the safest lifestyle."

"But, maybe I could help?" She questioned.

"No," Dean said, sounding emotionless. "You need to take care of that baby, the road is no place for a little one, trust me I know" He added.

"Dean, right?" she questioned, making sure she got his name right.

He nodded his head yes.

"Dean, I'm sorry." She said.

Dean's eyes closed for a minute, wrinkling his forehead, "For?"

"For, everything, everything that my friends… well you know, everything they did, the way they were."

She sounded truly sorry. Dean lifted his hand, placing it on one of her arms that was wrapped around him, he held onto her arm, in a comforting way, resting his chin on top of his hand.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything."

"But I could have stopped them, or at least tried" Beth was trying to place the blame on herself but Dean wouldn't have it.

"No, you said yourself, you didn't have a choice, right? If you didn't have a choice, if you couldn't stop them and save your own self then why in the world would you think you could stop them and save someone else?"

Dean made sense, he was right, she knew it, but she still couldn't help but feel sorry for him, feel responsible in some way. Dean had wrapped both his arms around hers intertwining them together. Like, they were holding on to each other, for comfort, for security. She had laid her head on his seat, so that half her head was on his shoulder and half on the seat. He leaned his head over, letting it rest on top of hers. Dean had closed his eyes, not realizing she had done the same. They shared a connection. A connection neither of them wanted but had been given.

"So," Sam spoke up, "Where's home?"

"Kansas." she answered.

Both the brothers were a little shocked to hear that, "What part?" Sam questioned.

"Prairie Village, not far from Kansas City." She replied.

Dean, in a strange way didn't want to let her go. He wanted the hold on to the connection, to the only person who could even begin to understand what he was going through, but he knew he couldn't. Sam pulled up to a bus stop, 2 towns over.

Dean got a ticket using a fake name, giving her a fake name too. He didn't want to leave any trace for anyone to follow. She had told them the company she kept didn't know where she had come from, they wouldn't know where to look for her at. Dean handed her the ticket, then walked away for a moment. Sam stayed with her. They were going to wait until her bus pulled out before they left her.

Dean returned, handing her a paper, with his number on it, also wrapped in it was $500, she was shocked, it had been a long time since anyone has cared about her, especially like this. Hell, she wasn't even allowed to keep her own pay from her job at the bar, she had to give it to them.

"In case you, you know, need someone to talk to or something." Dean said, then added, "and to make sure you're taken care of, have food and help with the little one."

Dean was acting normal, not "Dean normal" but "normal person normal", Sam recognized it, but of course, Beth didn't know him well enough to see it. She was just grateful for someone who cared. She grabbed him, hugging him as tight as she could. Dean returned the hug, holding onto her just a little longer than normal.

"Thank you" she said, looking up and making eye contact with him.

Her eyes were watery, full of tears. Dean's was hidden, glassed over, hiding every emotion he could push away.

"You'll be okay," she said, wiping her soft hand down his face. "You got your brother, you two seem like you can handle anything that comes your way. I really am sorry, for everything, but thank you. Thank you for saving me, in more than one way. You saved me."

She looked over at Sam who was standing near them, then back at Dean. "Now, you have to let your brother save you." she added, wiping the couple of tears that dripped from Dean's eye away.

"You need to go." Sam said gently, hating to break the moment but knowing her bus would be leaving soon.

She gave Dean another long, tight hug and a small kiss on the cheek, quietly speaking in his ear "Let Sam save you, for me, please."

She then turned and gave Sam a quick hug, thanking him for helping her and she hurried on the bus before it left her behind. She sat beside the window, giving the brothers a wave as the bus jerked into drive and she rode out of sight.


	8. Chapter 8

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **SPIDERS IN THE WEB**

CHAPTER 8

Dean had returned to the room, he laid on bed instead of sitting back in the chair. Exhaustion had started setting in. Sam rose from his seat, grabbing a candy bar and another drink off the table, and sat on the bed across from Dean.

"Here. You need to put something on your stomach."

Dean looked up and took the items from his brother, not interested in them at the moment. He had curled himself into a ball on the bed.

"My stomach hurts right now."

He had to admit he was starting to feel better, and relieved his kidneys were working on their own, but he knew they weren't 100% yet, and he probably should go for his dialysis appointment, but he was just too damn tired and didn't want to put himself through that again. Of course, him complaining about his stomach put Sam into full motherly mode.

"Dean, you really should do your dialysis." He knew the answer before Dean even shook his head, but he had to at least mention it.

"Why don't you sleep?" Sam continued, "You'll probably feel better when you wake."

"No." Dean mumbled.

"Why not?"

"The dreams…" That was all Dean could manage to say before his voice felt like it got stuck in his throat, the only thing that seemed to stop the tears from coming out with the words.

"Dean, it'll be okay. I'll be right here, we'll do what we always do, I'll wake you at the first sign of a nightmare."

Dean just shook his head. "I'm so tired, Sam. I just want all of this to be over. I want the nightmares to stop. I didn't even want to live through the shit the first time, what in the world makes my brain think I want to relive it, again?"

"Dean, usually that's your body's way of telling you that you need to deal with it. Once you do that, it'll stop. I'm sure the fact that you've been injured and exhausted for so long doesn't help, but still, that's usually what it means when you have continuous nightmares like this. We've both had this happen before, so you know I'm right."

Dean knew his brother was right, but the thought of 'dealing with it' scared him more than the dreams themselves.

"Sam." Dean huffed out with a breath of pure exhaustion as he raised himself to a seated position, his back supported by the wall behind him. "I don't know. I mean I have so much that's been locked away. I've been talking to you about it, a lot. I mean, I've admitted things to you that I never thought anyone would know about. What's it been, a year now? Since all of this has been coming to the surface. Sure, we've had our moments in there, times we weren't together, but, it's like I keep talking to you and nothing gets better. Nothing changes. And I'm so tired of it. I don't know what else to say."

Dean's voice had turned from exhaustion to pleading. "What am I supposed to say? Tell me Sam, what is it I need to do to make this stop?"

Sam knew Dean was desperate, but he also knew he was exhausted. He didn't have the answers he was looking for. He didn't know how to make his brother's nightmares stop. After taking a moment to think he came up with an idea. He wasn't sure how much his brother would like it, but it was at least something new to try.

"Hey, Dean, how about we try something different?"

"Okay, what?"

"You're exhausted, we both know that. You need to keep yourself as rested as you can, but the nightmares interfere with that, right?"

Dean nodded his head.

"So, how about, you lay down and go to sleep. Like we discussed before, sometimes it takes your own mind in your own dreams to straighten things out, but sometimes not, so if your dreams start getting bad, I'll wake you up. But, if I have to wake you, then you have to talk to me. You have to talk about the dream you just had, no matter if it makes sense or not, because like I said, sometimes laying it all out helps you put the pieces together when you can look at them differently. So what do you say? You wanna try that?"

Dean thought for a moment. "Okay, whatever. I'm just so tired, Sam, but the thought of sleeping, the thought of the nightmares that I know is going to plague me, it scares the hell out of me."

"Then, don't let it. Look at it like it's a good thing. When the nightmares come, it's going to give you a chance to talk through them and work them out so they don't come back, or at least not as strong. Don't think of them as something to fear, think of them as a way to get yourself better."

Dean nodded his head, his eyes already heavy, he pushed himself back down to a laying position. "Okay, I'll try it, right now, I'll try anything." He mumbled, too tired to speak clearly

"Dean, how's your stomach? Is it feeling better?" Sam checked before Dean had fallen asleep.

"Yeah, it's a little better, it'll be fine." Dean answered as he closed his eyes. "Sam, you promise you'll be right here?" Dean sounded like a child again. He sounded as defeated as he felt.

Sam stood from where he was seated and made his way to the other side of Dean's bed. He laid down beside his big brother like they used to do when they were younger. Right now, Dean needed the same reassurance that Sam needed when he had nightmares as a child. Lying beside his brother he put a reassuring hand on Dean's chest when he rolled onto his back.

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Dean placed his hand over Sam's. "You need some sleep too."

Sam gave a half smile. "Okay, I won't deny that, I'm pretty worn out myself, but even if I do fall asleep, I'll be right here. Right beside you, I'll feel everything and be able to wake you up. I won't let anything happen to you. It's going to be okay, together, we got this! Just like we always have."

Sam's reassuring words comforted Dean as he fell into the darkness of sleep. Sam was quick to follow. He really was tired himself, and knew it would take a little while before Dean's dreams got too bad, so this was his chance to catch a little shut eye himself. He didn't move his hand off his brother. He wanted to be sure he had every possible way of feeling his nightmares begin.

"DEAN, DEAN WAKE UP!"

Sam had been trying to wake his brother for a couple minutes with no success. His dreams were bad, Dean had woken Sam by screaming and crying out in his sleep. 'NOOOO! Please, no, stop'. Sam was shaking Dean and calling his name.

It didn't take Dean long to respond once he was awake. He was covered in beaded sweat. His body was shaking uncontrollably. He felt cold and hot at the same time. That same fear, piercing every ounce of his being. He jumped as he flew his eyes open, slamming his back against the wall as he quickly pushed himself to a seated position, his knees pulled to his chest, his trembling hands wrapped around his legs. He had a lost, wild look in his eyes as he quickly glanced all around the room, looking for whoever was in his dream.

"Dean."

Sam said in a low, calming voice as he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Dean jumped a little at the touch but didn't pull away from his brother.

"Dean, it's okay, it's Sam, I'm right here, it's okay, no one is going to hurt you. It's just you and me."

Sam knew he had to get his brother to calm down before he was able to talk to him. Dean had turned his head and stared into his brother's eyes for a moment. Sam watched as his eyes became clearer, the fogginess was leaving. Dean's breathing returning to normal, the shaking had turned to trembles.

"We gotta talk about it." Sam reminded Dean.

Dean shook his head, but Sam wasn't going to let it go that easily.

"You promised, remember?" Sam gave Dean a moment longer before continuing. "What was your dream about?"

"I… I don't wanna…. I can't, Sam."

"Dean, we gotta try this, it'll help, I know it will, even if it doesn't make sense you gotta talk to me. What was it about?"

Dean rubbed a hand down his face to dry the sweat and tears. "I… I just remember… I remember those damn ropes, around my wrists. I was… I was tied to the bed, the one at that house we found Beth at. I had…my dream started the same way the night started. I was at the bar, drinking, feeling good, and doing my usual flirting. The 2 girls that were hanging all over me, they invited me to their house, said they would make my night one I'd never forget."

Dean let out a slight chuckle, realizing they were right, he'd never forget it. "It started out like any other night, the girls and I had some fun, they were wild!"

Dean smiled thinking of how much fun they really were. "Anyhow, I know you don't wanna hear the details on that" he glanced at his brother, who really, at this point, didn't care if Dean told him the details of his sexual experiences with the women or not.

"Dude, we were really getting into it, and then someone came home. They didn't react to it, but I mentioned it, asking if they had a roommate or something, they just told me yes and continued. Then they said something about maybe 'they' would join us. I was game, I mean the more the merrier, right? I didn't know. Sam, I promise I didn't."

Dean seemed to have an overwhelming need to make sure his brother believed that he didn't want it. "When a man walked in, I didn't even realize it at first. I was on top of one of the girls, doing my thing, and the next thing I know I had a strong hand on the back of my neck, she had quickly moved her way out from under me, and he slammed my face into the mattress, holding his grip on my neck."

His hands were shaking, his voice trembling. "I tried to fight him off, but didn't get much of a chance before I felt another strong grip on each of my arms. They… they pulled my arms over my head, I wasn't laying that close to the bed posts. It felt like they were going to rip my arms off at the shoulders."

The shaking of the hands moved to other muscles. The trembling of his voice rattled his chest. "I couldn't move my body closer to them. I had a death grip on my damn neck, pressing my face into the bed, someone else was sitting on the bend of my back, keeping me from being able to fight. I was never so thankful when they finally got my hands tied. I mean, I hated it, don't get me wrong, but everyone let go of me, and I was able to adjust my body so my arms didn't feel like they were being ripped off. I was going to ask them what the hell was going on, but one of them shoved a gag in my mouth so I couldn't say anything."

Dean paused, drying his face again. "All of that was normal, that's really the way it happened. I didn't expect any of it, Sam, you gotta believe me, I didn't" Dean's voice was pleading again.

"I do." Sam whispered.

Dean nodded his head. "That's where… that's… my dream got weird after that." Dean paused again to slow his breathing that had become rapid, and take a couple, extra-long blinks.

"It's okay." Sam reassured him.

With a nod, Dean continued. "The thing is, at first, it continued as a normal memory. I could hear them all laughing, it sounded like way more people than I wanted to admit. They, um… they tied a blind fold around my eyes. They made a comment about how much more fun it would be."

Dean's trembles turned back into full body shakes. "I couldn't talk, I couldn't see. The only thing I could do is hear. I couldn't even fight. I… I was helpless. That damn fear, it filled me. I was tied, with ropes around my wrists, again. Tied to a bed, again. For someone else's damn pleasure!"

Dean had to stop again, to calm the anger that started to rise, then continued, "The pain, I knew it was going to be bad, I had forgotten how bad! I can't even explain it. The feeling, like your body is being torn from the inside out, never ending, no matter how bad I wanted it to stop, it didn't. But… then… my mind, my dream, it went from one event to another."

The tears were falling freely. "I went back to the night you left, when I was tied to the bed, the same damn shit! The same never-ending pain, the same fear. Then, my mind went to the night we reentered the home and got caught. I'm not sure if that night was worse or better, honestly. In a way, it didn't hurt as bad, but I was already sore as hell from the last time so, well that just intensified it all. But, in my dream, unlike real life, it was like all 3 times were happening at the same time, and the pain never left me. The fear never left."

He had curled in on himself, his knees to his chest, his shaking arms wrapped tightly around them. "They just built on top of one another, making it worse and worse. I couldn't take any more, Sam, I couldn't. but, it wouldn't stop, it just went from one to another then back again. I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but that's the way it was, in my dream."

Dean paused again, turning to look at his brother. "Sam, I didn't enjoy it, any of it, I didn't. But… I don't know why, I guess my own body failed me… it didn't connect to my brain or something… I mean all 3 times… my body failed me. Both, in real life and in my dream, more than once too. I remember the laughter each time. Joking around, about how much I enjoyed it for… for my body to do what it did." Dean had to stop. He put his head in his hands and let the tears flow.

Sam cleared his throat, trying his hardest not to let his tears match Dean's. A couple managed to fall, but Sam knew he had to stay strong for his brother.

"Dean… it's natural. That happens a lot more than you may realize. It has nothing to do with rather someone enjoyed something or not. It's a physical feeling and once it's activated your body just reacts. That's one of the things that people who… who were… raped… that's the one thing they regret, the one thing they feel the guiltiest about, but it's okay."

For some reason Sam hated using that word. He didn't want to see his brother as a rape victim, even though that's exactly what he was. "There's certain points in everyone's body that once they are stimulated, you're just going to have an orgasm, rather you want to or not."

Sam hated talking about this. He was pissed at everyone who had hurt his brother, making him feel guilty about what they had done to him. He pushed down the bile that threatened to rise in his throat. "I'm sorry, I know I've asked you, out of anger, if you enjoyed it or not. Of course, now I feel like a complete ass for asking you that, but, having your body react to what's happening to it, has nothing to do with enjoyment."

Dean wasn't so sure about what his brother had said, but he was sure about the fact he did not, in any way, enjoy any of what was forced onto him.

"It's just… I was told that I was enjoying it, that I liked it."

"By who? The same people who were hurting you? The men who raped you?"

Dean hated that word as much as Sam did, but he knew his brother was right. The same people who hurt him taunted him, laughed at him, made him believe he enjoyed what they had done to him.

"Sam, at that house… when they got me going, when I was… I don't know, I was reacting to whatever, I wasn't soft, that's for sure. One of the guys, he got under me and they…. They… put me, inside of him. They used their bodies to thrush me inside of him, until, until I finished. I…"

Dean had to pause for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "I thought, that meant I… I couldn't tell you that. I didn't want to tell you that anything happened, I mean if I… you know… inside of someone else, inside of a man, and, well other times through the night too… I figured that I, somehow, enjoyed it. That, maybe, subconsciously or something, I wanted it?"

He wasn't sure where all the stuttering had come from during his rambling. "I didn't know, that's what I was told before. That's what I've always been told about everything. That I liked it, I wanted more, that I was a freak. My mind was so screwed up. I know I couldn't think straight. I know I really just wanted it all to end, I wanted to be able to scream, to tell them to stop. I wanted to be able to see what they were doing."

He had a mixture of nervous and angry energy pulsing through him. "I didn't know what was happening… what they were going to do…not… not until… until I felt someone's touch. But the thing is, I um… I think it was more than just… I don't know if they used objects… or maybe, I don't know, other parts of their bodies?" Dean was starting to have a hard time talking about this. He was trying, but he was stuttering all over his words.

"Like fingers? Fists?" Sam tried to clarify what Dean was saying.

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah, not… not just then either… the first time… in that motel, too. I wasn't blindfolded, but the way my body was bent, I couldn't see anything behind me, I was younger then, my head was fuzzy, I didn't know what was going on, I mean, it was my first experience with, well, stuff like that, you know, being forced."

His anger started building. "I just don't get it Sam! I don't understand why the hell people have to be the way they are! Why? Why do they have such a strong need to hurt other people? Especially in such an unforgiving, unforgetting way?" Dean had looked over at his brother with eyes that pleaded him for an answer.

"I don't know, I don't understand it either, Dean."

"Sam." Dean said in a low voice

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I could handle it again. I think if I had to, I wouldn't make it out, not sane anyhow. It's like, each time, it took a piece of me. A piece I will never get back, it's lost forever. Filled with this darkness, this empty hole that can only be filled with pain and fear."

Dean had hung his head, not raising his voice any louder than a near whisper, just barely loud enough for Sam to hear. His body still trembling, tears still dripping from his eyes. Sam was unable to hold back his tears. He let them silently fall as Dean confessed his brokenness.

"I… I think… everything… the beatings from Dad, the punishments, the words that have been thrown at me. I think they all took a little piece of me. Not as big as those nights did, but still, they took something, some moments more than others. And so… now, I'm just full of all these holes, like swiss cheese! But, what's not empty, is filled with so much pain, and so much fear. Fear that life is going to continue to repeat itself, it always does. I have this fear that one day, I'll find myself tortured again, in one way or another. I'm not talking about hunting, or monsters, or demons, I'm talking about human beings."

Dean stopped, he leaned over letting his head rest on his brother's shoulder. Sam raised a hand and placed it on top of Dean's head. He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know how to fix his brother's brokenness, how to fill the holes he was talking about. But, he understood. He could understand how each negative thing in his life could take away a piece of him.

"But, it made you the person you are today." Sam said silently.

"What? A broken-down piece of nothingness?"

Dean's words stung Sam's heart. "No, my strong, don't take any bullshit, hard headed brother. It made you a fighter. Someone who doesn't give up easily. Someone who knows the pain life can leave and choses to help others, so they don't have to feel the same pain you do."

Dean pressed his head against his brother's shoulder, his way of giving him a hug without having to move his body. "Thanks."

Sam just smiled, a smile Dean couldn't see, but he knew it was there. "Any time."

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"That fear, the one I've been talking about."

"Yeah."

"It's more than just while things are crappy. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, Dean, I do."

Dean nodded his head. "I'm scared to go back to the bar, I've thought about it, and just the thought freezes me in my tracks. I don't want to flirt with someone, the way I usually do, and have it turn out the same way… I can't let myself get hurt like that anymore."

Sam was a little shocked at Dean's confession. He let out a little chuckle. "For now, maybe. But, don't worry, I'm sure, once we work through all this crap, you'll be back to your old annoying self."

Sam gave his shoulder a small shrug, his way of letting Dean know he was messing around with him, but he also believed what he said. "Nothing keeps my brother down forever." He added as he pressed his hand down on Dean's head and gave it a slight kiss.

"Dude! Chick flick over!" Dean tried to sound disgusted, but also didn't make much of an effort to move his head off his brother's shoulder.

Sam let out a slight chuckle. "Awwww you don't like my loves?"

"No"

Sam smiled, wide. "It's okay, I'll let you hate me for my girly emotions some other day, but right now, I think this moment, is exactly what we both need."

Dean still hadn't made any effort to move his head. Sam was right, he needed the physical reassurance that he wasn't alone, and that he was safe. Sam noticed, the longer his brother stayed in that position, the calmer he became. His trembling had almost completely stopped. His breathing was normal. His heartrate appeared to slow back down. He no longer showed the signs of pure fear. He was comfortable again.

"Dean, you're going to be okay. I've got you, and with me by your side, I'll make sure you make it through everything life throws at you, the same way you have done, and will continue to do, for me."

Sam leaned his head on top of his brother's, letting it rest there as exhaustion filled both brothers. They had both been through an emotional roller coaster with little sleep. Sam worked their way down to a laying position. He tried not to disturb the connection they had together, Dean, followed his actions. And, just like when they were little, the brothers wrapped themselves together, desiring the physical contact, the safety they found in each other.

Darkness mixed with the exhaustion they felt, brought them both to a dark, deep sleep. Sam woke when he felt Dean moving around as he woke up. Both of them separating from one another had realized they slept through the night. No nightmares, no sickness or fears. Both woke feeling rested and at peace. Dean got up and was once again thankful he was able to relieve himself in the bathroom. He even snacked on the food Sam had gotten the night before.

He still wasn't 100% so he didn't want to risk a full meal, he knew even though he was feeling better, he still needed to take it slow. Dean had taken a shower and put on clean clothes, he was feeling pretty good for a change. Sam had followed after him and got himself ready for the day as well. While Sam was standing at the sink brushing his teeth Dean figured it was a great opportunity to talk without his brother interrupting.

"Hey Sam, I just wanted to say thank you. I mean, I had my doubts, and it sure as hell wasn't easy, but damn, I feel pretty good today. So, yeah, thanks."

Sam just gave him a smile.

"Don't expect all that touchy feely girly stuff all the time." Dean added as he finished putting on his boots.

He took a deep breath and a long look around the room. This room had been his home, his walls of safety. They've heard more confessions and seen more nightmares than any walls should have to witness. Sam had sat across from Dean, he was thankful his brother was feeling better, and acting more like himself. He still felt weak but Sam had no doubt a little food would fix that right up.

"What do you say we leave all the crap here, in these walls, and head somewhere else?" Dean suggested.

Sam, remembering what he promised about everything staying here, completely agreed. Truth is, he didn't want to have to listen to the details Dean gave, again, once was more than enough for him. He stood and patted his big brother on the knee.

"Sounds good to me." he said as he started packing his belongings.

Dean followed his cue and packed his belongings too. Dean stopped in the doorway, taking another long look at what he was leaving behind.

"Dean." Sam said softly, "It's gone, man, it's all going to stay right here. You don't have to bring it with you. It's the beginning of a new day, leave it behind and make some new memories."

Dean nodded his head and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving all the weight he had carried around where it belonged.


	9. Chapter 9

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **SPIDERS IN THE WEB**

CHAPTER 9

Dean refused to let Sam drive. He insisted, it would help him feel better to be behind the wheel of his baby. Sam, reluctantly agreed. He was thankful that his brother was getting back to being himself.

The day had carried on, feeling somewhat normal. Dean played his usual music, sometimes too loud. The boys didn't talk much, they just enjoyed the peace they were feeling. They were content with feeling good about the day. Neither of them were sure where they were going, Dean just knew he needed to get away from where they were at.

They pulled into a small town, Alton, Illinois. It was a quiet little place. Baby needed some fuel. Dean pulled up to the pumps and gave his baby what she needed. He checked the fluids under the hood, he needed to feel some normalcy, but, if he had to admit it, he was feeling worn out and needed a break from the road. There was a little honky tonk bar that was near the gas station.

"Hey, Dean? How about we go grab a bite to eat." He pointed toward the nearby joint.

Dean's heart beat a skip. Sam felt stupid for suggesting that. He remembered what Dean had said about the fear of being hurt again, the fear of humans. But, he also agreed to leave all that behind. Dean nodded his head.

"Okay."

That was all he could manage to say. After taking care of Baby, he drove them to the grill and bar. He hesitated just a moment when he opened the door, Sam was behind him and gave him a slight nudge, pushing him through the threshold. They found a small table in the back corner to sit at.

The nice-looking waitress came over and gave them both menus and took their drink orders. Dean, without thinking, ordered his regular beer. He mentally slapped himself, but let it go, figured one beer couldn't hurt anything. Sam ordered the same.

When the waitress returned with their drinks, the boys ordered their meals. Dean ignored her, couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with the waitress. Sam over compensated for him, and was extra nice to her. He wasn't going to push his brother. He knew just being here was a big step for him. It was more than he's been able to do for days.

Dean drunk his beer faster than he planned to. Sam ordered him another one when he realized Dean's hands were trembling.

"Dean?" Sam spoke quiet and leaned over the table, making himself closer to Dean so he could hear him. "You okay?"

Dean took a moment then nodded his head yes.

"We'll just order this stuff to go if you want to, I'll tell the waitress I'm not feeling well or something." Sam suggested.

"No, I'm fine."

Dean picked up the daily newspaper that was sitting nearby and started glazing through it. Not looking for anything particular, he was just trying to find something to fill his mind. He stopped when he came across an article that caught his attention.

"Hey Sammy, what do you say we stay here for a night or two?" Dean asked as he handed his brother the article he had just read.

 _Two more teens are missing after they ventured into the Enos Sanitarium. The closed down Sanitarium is known by the locals for its hauntings. It's a common attraction for locals and tourists alike. Melissa Bark and Thomas Smith were reported missing when they did not return home yesterday morning._

 _They reportedly told their friends they were going to sneak into the Sanitarium and stay the night there. That was the last time they were seen. Just a week ago 3 more teenagers, who were visiting the area, snuck into the Sanitarium during the night, and have not been seen since._

 _The local board is discussing the possibility of tearing down the old building in an attempt to keep the teenagers safe. There have been a growing number of missing teens attached to their visits to the Sanitarium. There have only been reports of 4 adults missing after their visit, these men and women were reported to have announced they were going to visit the place after it closed, in an attempt to capture ghosts on their cameras._

Sam looked up at Dean, a spark in his eye, Dean's eyes matched. It had been too long since they had been on a hunt, and this seemed like a simple salt and burn. The place was already known for its ghosts, they just needed to figure out which one became vengeful and take care of it.

Without saying a word, they both agreed they needed this hunt. The waitress brought their food, and another beer for each. Sam took the opportunity to ask her about the article and the reports of missing people. She explained to them how she thought people were stupid for trying to go there when they weren't supposed to.

No one who went during regular business hours ended up missing. She didn't understand what all the hype was about anyhow. It was just an old closed down building with a crappy past that everyone thought made it a special historical building.

Sam, showing genuine interest, continued to ask the waitress questions, she told him she was getting off in 10 minutes and would come back to talk to him then. When she returned she took a seat between Sam and Dean. She began telling them about the malpractice that eventually got the sanitarium closed down.

It was originally opened for TB patients, like most sanitariums. There were thousands of people who were admitted but never discharged. There were several ditches they dug surrounding the place, when the patients would die they threw the body into the ditch, once the ditch was full, they would fill it back in with dirt, burying the bodies, and dig another ditch.

No one really knows how many people died there, or how many people are buried there. She continued to explain to them that once someone was admitted, the family would never see them again. No one visited, no one cared, they knew when their loved ones were sent to the sanitarium they were good as dead. But, some of the patients were women, single mothers, or even pregnant at the time they were admitted.

The children, and the newborns who were born there, didn't get to leave. They didn't leave the children with other family when the mom was admitted. She said there was an entire floor that was just for the little ones, some of them sick, some of them not. But, mostly everyone in the building ended up getting sick due to exposure.

The children were kept like animals, she explained. And the doctors did a lot of medical testing on them, making some of them handicap, or mentally deranged. She explained how some of the children, as babies, were subject to horrific torture to their bodies, leaving them twisted like a pretzel as they grew older, it was for the purpose of studying the works of the body and muscles she explained, or at least that's what the doctors claimed.

She went on to tell them that once TB became less and less, the sanitarium became a place for the mentally ill. She explained that you didn't have to be mentally ill to be admitted. That a family member could admit anyone they wanted to. By the time the 'interview' was over they were always able to find something that made them seem crazy.

They did things like shock therapy, or worse, on them. Both the sane and insane. They still had a floor for children, some of them moved to the adult floor, the ones who had survived the TB outbreak, they were never released, they were just eventually moved to the floors with the mentally ill once they were old enough.

She explained how all it took was a child who was strong willed, disobedient in anyway, and their parents could have them admitted. Once admitted, much like the TB outbreak, they were never discharged. They were subjected to endless torture. She explained how there were several suicides there, and what she considered murders, all though the officials said the deaths were from natural causes. She explained how she knew of at least one more ditch that was dug and buried after the TB outbreak, it was full of the people who were deemed mentally incapable of living in society.

She laughed when she said that, truly, no one would be considered 'sane' these days, that everyone was a little 'off their rocker' in one way or another. Sam agreed. Dean had become interested enough that he had looked up from his lap and practically held eye contact with her the entire time.

"How do you know all of this?" Dean eventually asked.

The waitress blushed a little, ringing her fingers together. "Because, I've lived here my whole life, my father, he had my mother committed, said she was 'sick in the head'. I don't know, I think, looking back, she had a form a depression. But, honestly, don't we all at one time or another?"

She gave a slight smile to both of them and continued. "The thing is, I didn't go with my mom. I stayed with my grandparents, which was practically unheard of. They thought that if the mother was mental then the kids would be too." She paused.

"So, why didn't you go with her?" Sam asked.

"Because, my dad… my dad was one of the doctors there. He knew how bad it was. He, honestly, he fell in love with another woman, so he didn't care about my mother. That was his way of getting her out of the way. But, he didn't want me subjected to the torture he knew I would be put through. He argued that since I was his child, and he was so smart and educated, that I took after him, and wasn't mentally insane. No one even questioned him." She said with a sigh.

"How old were you?" Dean asked.

"When my mom got taken away?" she asked to clarify what Dean had asked.

Dean nodded.

"I was four." she answered.

Dean's eyes filled with a sadness. "I was four when I lost my mother too." he replied. "Sam…" he said, pointing at his brother, "was just a baby so he doesn't remember her being killed."

Suddenly it seemed Dean and the waitress had a connection.

"My mother," she started, "had just had my little brother. I think maybe she was going through some post-partum crap. He was 5 months old, he doesn't remember her either. Dad, he tried to have him sent with her, but couldn't justify how one of his children would be mentally fine while the other's not. And I begged him to leave him with me. I told him I'd take care of him, that he didn't need to worry about him. I'm shocked, to be honest, but he agreed. He let me keep him."

She had basically, just admitted to the same life Dean was forced into. Their mothers gone, left to raise their little brothers.

"Where's your dad now?" Sam asked.

Breaking eye contact with Dean, and the connection they had found, she turned to Sam. "I don't know." Her eyebrows raised, saying she really didn't care. "I've heard different stories. Some say he died in the sanitarium, during some patient riot or something like that, killed by one of his patients. Some say he just disappeared. Honestly, he wasn't the nicest guy in the world, and I'm glad he's gone, no matter where he is, he isn't in my life anymore."

Dean nodded his head, feeling the anger and hurt that was radiating off of her.

"And your brother?" Dean asked.

She turned and locked eyes back with Dean. "He's more like my mother. He's doing fine, he's got me, and I would never let anything happen to him, ever. He lives with me. He's my whole life. Our dad, the times he came around, he would always want to hit on him, beat him. He hated him! I don't know why, maybe because he looks so much like our mom? But, I put a stop to that really quick, of course, that doesn't mean my dad's anger lessened, it just means it was focused elsewhere."

Dean nodded his head again, "yeah" was all he could get out.

She understood from that one word that her and Dean had even more of a connection than they realized, so, she continued, not breaking eye contact with him. "He was lonely, after getting rid of Mom. The other woman, I don't know what ever happened to her. But, Dad decided when I was 12 that I was old enough to be 'his'. He didn't need another woman, he had me, and I was able to take care of all his needs. Which, I did, without a word of complaint, as long as he left my brother alone."

She saw the ache in Dean's eyes. The look that said he'd been there, done that. The deepness that opened up his soul. She saw into the older brother that would do anything, literally anything, to protect his little brother. The brokenness inside that he couldn't hide in the refection of his dark green eyes. He couldn't speak, just slowly nodded his head, trying to fight back the watery tears that threatened to fill his eyes.

Sam shifted in his seat, a little uncomfortable. He wasn't sure what to do, or say, at that moment. He was feeling their connection, the understanding they had with each other. After a moment, Sam cleared his throat, breaking the silence at the table. They both blinked and turned their attention to Sam, who looked uncomfortable sitting there.

Dean just gave a half smile at his brother and shook his head at his uncomfortableness.

"So," Sam asked, "What's your brother's name?" He was stuttering just a little, sure that only Dean could hear the nervousness in his tone.

"Andrew." she answered.

Sam looked at her name tag, "Angel and Andrew, cute." he said with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiled back. "So," Angel started, "You boys aren't from around here, I'm guessing, and I'm also figuring you're gonna be looking for a motel to stay the night at?"

She glanced between the two of them as they both nodded their heads with a "yes ma'am."

"Look," she started again, "I don't usually do this. Actually, I don't ever do this! But, I don't know, something about you two," she looked back at Dean, locking eyes again, but for only a moment this time, "Andrew and I have a spare bedroom, and a couch, if you want to hear more history about that old run-down building."

Sam was shocked, she was offering them, complete strangers, a place to stay at her house. He knew they needed as much information as possible if they were going to try to rid the place of the vengeful spirit, or spirits. He was equally as shocked when Dean didn't even hesitate with his answer.

"Yes" Dean said, without even thinking.

He sounded a little too eager, tried to add to it without making himself sound like a creep but failed miserably, stuttering over his further explanation as to why he would want to stay with her. But, honestly, he couldn't explain why. He had felt this deep connection and didn't want to lose it, didn't want to leave her.

Not because he wanted to be around a woman, but because he wanted to be around the deep feeling of someone who understood. Someone who connected with him on so many personal levels. Something his brother could never do, something he would never want his brother to do. If he did, that would mean he would have to feel the pain he felt, and he never wanted that for him.

He had this sickening feeling that Angel felt the same way about Dean, and Andrew. They quickly paid their bill. Angel asked if it would be okay if she rode with them, she would show them the way. She didn't own a car, she walked to work and back every day. She only lived 2 miles away, she said. As if 2 miles wasn't a long walk. But, she did it for her brother. She insisted he wasn't able to work, that she feared their dad did something to him, messed him up mentally, maybe damage from the beatings when he was little, or maybe he did testing on him without her knowing.

She wasn't entirely sure, but she apologized for his weirdness before they ever got to her house. Dean and Sam both chuckled at her apology, assuring her it would be okay, they were used to weird.

When they approached the home, it was off a dirt road, the only house on the road. It sat at the very end, surrounded by open fields and wooded areas. It was an old, run-down house. The siding on the outside was peeling off, a few shingles on the roof were missing, covered by pieces of blue tarp to keep the rain out. The steps going into the house was creaky and felt weak. The porch that outstretched the front of the home was equally as weak, a few boards were missing off to the side of it, one looked like something had fallen through it.

There were 2 old wicker rocking chairs sitting on the end where the boards were missing. They were barely holding together, the pads on the seats were weathered and torn, the chairs, no longer white, the paint had faded off leaving them more of a brown, dirty color.

The front door, seemed to get stuck when she tried to open it, she laughed about how this place was falling apart. She told them it was her grandparents' old house. When they walked inside, it was like time had stood still. Everything inside the home appeared to have belonged to her grandparents as well.

They walked into the living room, the carpet was old, it was an orange shag carpet that had been so worn it was flat, no longer the fluffy shag it once was. The curtains covering the windows, they were white with big orange and yellow flowers on them, behind them, black garbage bags covering the windows. Dean and Sam figured there wasn't much insulation in the home, especially the windows, thus the reason for them being covered with plastic. It gave the home an earie dark feeling.

There was an old brick fireplace, the only source of heat, the fire was already lit, keeping the home warm against the coolness of the outdoors. The couch and chair didn't look very comfortable. They were a brown color, with some type of western horse theme on the cushions and wooded arms and legs. The coffee table in front of them was a dark wood that matched the arms of the furniture, it had big wagon wheels carved out of wood on the ends of it for legs.

There was a small table that sat between the couch and chair that matched the wagon wheel coffee table. On the small table was a brown and orange lamp that was some type of glass made into the shape of a horse. Above the fireplace were pictures. Family pictures. Dean took a moment to look at them, not needing to even ask who they were, he just seemed to know.

One picture was of Angel, about four years old, and Andrew, maybe a couple months old, with their mom and dad, all smiling and appeared happy. One picture was of Angel and Andrew when they were around 10-14 years old, he could see the sadness in Angel's eyes, but Andrew appeared to have a genuine smile that lit up his face.

There was one of the kids with their grandparents. The grandfather didn't seem like he was a very happy man, but grandma appeared to have a heart of gold. She looked like she was the loving, nurturing type, the kind that baked homemade cookies when friends came over. He ran his finger down the mantle in front of the pictures, leaving a line in the thick dust.

On the wall were pictures of western horse scenes. The walls, were a brown panel, making it appear even gloomier. He made his way into the kitchen where Angel and Sam had walked into. Angel was giving Sam the rundown of the home, explaining where everything was at and insisting, even though they didn't have much, for them to make themselves at home.

The kitchen was brighter, not as warm feeling, but the walls were covered in white wallpaper. It wasn't a bright white, it was old, starting to dull and turn brown. There were little red roosters all over the wallpaper. It matched everything else in the room.

The table was one of those old metal tables, it was also red and white, the chairs were a silver color, matching the legs to the table, with red leather cushions. The counter tops were white as well as the old farmhouse sink. The curtains covering the window, that was also covered with an old garbage bag, were red and white stripped, the white on those were turning brown as well, from age and dirt that has collected on them.

The stove was an antique stove. Dean didn't think anyone used those anymore. The flooring was a plaid linoleum, of course, it was red and white as well. There was a back door, painted white, with matching red and white striped curtains covering the window that was hidden behind the garbage bag.

Behind the back door was an old washer and dryer. He was sure that was added later, it hadn't been part of the original home, this house was too old for that. He followed them back through the living room and she showed them the small bathroom. Dean was sure, by the looks of it, this room was added later as well.

It was barely big enough for a pedestal sink that sat beside the toilet, leaving about a foot between the toilet and small shower. There seemed to be just enough empty space to stand and do what needed to be done, no one would ever spend more time than needed in this room, that's for sure.

She apologized, stating that was the only bathroom they had. Neither Sam or Dean cared, they had stayed in worse places, places with no bathrooms. There was a small closet beside the bathroom that held the towels and extra blankets. She apologized again that it's an old house and could get cold, especially at night.

She then made her way up the old staircase. Dean made note of the weak handrail that he was surprised was still standing as weak as it felt. Upstairs, there were 3 doors, all of them closed. The stairs came to an opened landing, not really a hallway, more like a big empty space surrounded by doors.

She opened the first door. "This is my room" she said as they walked in.

It looked a little more modern. There was a double sized bed, it had an old antique metal frame that was painted white. With a matching white dresser and a white makeup stand that had 3 mirrors on it, and a bench sitting in front. The top of it was cluttered with all her female things for her hair and makeup, stuff she needed for work, to put on the appearance that was needed for her job.

The floor was an old hard wood floor with a large area rug that covered most of it. Her closet door was open, her clothes hanging from the hangers with a pile of dirty clothes thrown on the floor beside it. Her bedding looked new, well, newer than the rest of the house.

It was a pink and red flowered comforter, with pink sheets and pillowcases. She had black and white pictures hanging on her walls. Pictures of places like Paris and Rome, and ones of cute little kids kissing and holding hands in front of the landscape in different countries. Her curtains were a pink lacey material. She had garbage bags covering her windows as well, but you could tell part of one was removed often, she probably opened it to check sounds or other things that came from outside.

They followed her to the next room. She announced this was the spare room where one, or both, of them could sleep. It was held in time, like the rest of the home. It had an old metal bedframe with an old wooden dresser that held a large mirror. On top of the dresser was an old box, some type of a man's jewelry box perhaps.

There was old bedding that was covering the bed that was made up. It didn't appear to have been slept in for quite some time. The room held an earie feeling. One window was boarded up and the other covered with the same black garbage bag. The curtains were straight, dark brown.

The walls the same dark paneling as downstairs. Not like Angel's room, her room was painted a bright, light pink, almost white color. The bedding was a blue and brown mixed together, just simple, nothing else in the room. Nothing that could be seen at first glance anyhow.

Dean turned and noticed Angel was standing at the door. She remained outside, hadn't walked into the room. Dean gave her a questioning look as he stepped back towards her.

"This… this was my dad's room, when he would come home."

There was a sadness in her tone as she spoke. Dean reached out and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into his embrace for just a moment before releasing her. His way of saying he understood, without saying anything at all. They left that room, understanding she didn't want to be anywhere near it, and followed her to the last room.

"This is Andrew's room." she said as she knocked on the door.

"Andrew? Can I come in?" she asked as she cracked open the door. "I have some friends here, they're going to be staying the night with us, I wanted you to meet them." She continued to talk as she opened the door wider and stepped inside.

Andrew was sitting at a desk in his room. He was scribbling some drawing onto a piece of paper. His walls were painted a light blue color and were covered by pictures taped to them. Sam and Dean both assumed they were pictures that he drew, since that seemed to be what he was doing at that moment too.

His floor had a tan carpet on it. The only room that seemed to have carpet, and it didn't look worn out, it looked like it was pretty new. His windows were the only ones not covered with garbage bags. The windows in his room, looked like they had recently been replaced, they were thicker, insulated windows.

His bed was a newer wooden framed bed with bright blue and white bedding. The dresser and desk in his room seemed to be new as well. Dean could only guess that his sister had been working and using her money to fix her brother's room, to provide him with what he needed, to make sure he was comfortable and warm.

His room was the warmest room in the house. And looked like everything in it had been remodeled and was new. He noticed a small heater placed in the wall of his room, it ran from propane Dean guessed, since he was sure this old house wouldn't be able to handle the addition of an electric heater.

"Andrew." Angel spoke a little louder, getting her brother's attention. "Don't be rude. This is Dean and this is Sam. They are my friends, I wanted you to meet them."

Andrew nodded his head at them as to say hi. Then turned his chair back around to his desk.

"You have a lovely sister." Sam said.

"Don't even think about it!" Andrew replied in an angry tone.

Sam just chuckled, he knew the 'little brother tone' all too well. "Dude, I wasn't, trust me. She's nice and all, but I had no intent on anything inappropriate."

Andrew gave him a small glance.

"What'cha drawing there?" Sam questioned.

"Stuff." Andrew replied.

Sam looked around the room. "Are all these your drawings?"

"Yeah."

"They're good."

"Thanks."

"Ever do anything professional?"

Andrew turned and looked at Sam with a questioning look.

"You're good enough, that's all I'm saying." Sam reassured him.

By the look Andrew gave, he had never heard that before. Sam then noticed some pictures with monsters and what appeared to be supernatural beings.

"What are these?" Sam questioned.

Andrew dunked his head, Dean and Angel had walked out of the room long before their conversation started, leaving just Andrew and Sam alone. Andrew's face flushed, he wasn't used to having anyone talk to him, especially if they were treating him like a normal human being and not some freak. He didn't want to mess that up.

"Just some stuff." he replied, but kept his head hung low.

Sam took a longer look at one of them. "Have you seen these before?"

He asked, knowing that one of them looked a lot like a monster he had hunted before. Andrew was too embarrassed to answer, Sam sensed that, and decided to help him out.

"I think I've seen something that looks like that before." He said as he pointed to one of the pictures.

Andrew shot his head up to see what he pointed at and gave a look of disbelief.

"No, really, I have." Sam reassured as he sat on the edge of the bed in the room.

"Really?" Andrew asked, wanting to believe him, but afraid he was just playing some sick joke on him.

"Yes. I've seen a lot of things that are like that, my brother and I," Sam paused, not sure why he was saying what he was about to say, but felt the need to anyhow. "That's… well, that's kinda what we do, we hunt things like that." Sam pointed in the direction of the pictures.

"We kill them, make sure they don't hurt anyone else." He was maintaining eye contact, trying to make sure Andrew believed him and understood, he wasn't playing a joke on him.

"Is that why you're here?"

Andrew's question took Sam by surprise.

"Should we be here for something like that?"

Andrew answered by nodding his head, he had turned back around and continued his drawing as Sam heard Dean call his name. Sam stood, placed a hand on Andrew's shoulder.

"Is it okay if I come back in here and talk to you some more later?"

Sam wanted Andrew to understand he wasn't trying to push his presence on him but was there if he needed someone to talk to. Andrew nodded his head yes and Sam left the room to find his brother.


	10. Chapter 10

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 10

"Good morning, sunshine." Sam said as he walked down the stairs and saw Dean awake, "feeling any better?"

"Yeah, a little, I guess." Dean answered.

The fact he could give a coherent, clear answer was a good sign. Beth had woken up when the boys started to talk.

"Sleep good last night?" Dean asked Sam.

"Yeah, you?"

"The best sleep I've had in a long time, of course I'm sure the pain meds the doctor gave me helped with that." Dean replied as he grunted pushing himself to a seated position.

He looked at his arm, where the IV was inserted, then followed the tubing up to the bags of fluids hanging on a coat rack beside the couch. He turned his head and looked at Sam with a confusing look.

"Dude, how am I supposed to use the bathroom?" he asked, holding his arm up to expose the IV.

Sam just let out a small laugh, "need help?"

Dean rolled his eyes at that. He was perfectly capable of using the bathroom himself, usually, and he wasn't sure how it would go once he was in there, he was losing a lot of blood whenever he went, but all the fluids they pumped in him had him needing to pee bad.

"Yeah, whatever." Dean replied annoyed.

Again, Sam just laughed at him as he helped hold the bags so Dean could make his way to the bathroom.

"Hey, Dean, if you're losing blood, will you leave it? Don't flush so I can see how much you're losing?" Sam requested.

"Dude, gross" Dean felt the need to reply but he knew the reasoning behind it.

He hung the fluid bags on a towel hook near the toilet so Dean could have some privacy. He was still weak so he didn't want to go far, so he stood outside the door and waited for his brother to finish. There was still blood, but it was getting better, or so Dean said. Sam helped him back to the couch and Dean laid back down. He was worn out, just from that short walk to the bathroom. He was in pain, but overall, he was starting to feel better, not so sickly.

Nancy came from the kitchen, neither of the boys realized she was in there, cooking breakfast. Beth had bounced upstairs to her room to change and shower for the morning.

"How you are feeling today, Dean?" Nancy asked.

"A little better ma'am."

"You hurting?"

Dean nodded his head yes. She went into the kitchen and came back out with a glass of water and some pills. She placed her hand on his forehead to check if he was still hot. He felt a little warm but not near as hot as he was when they arrived.

"Here Sam." she said, handing him the pills and glass. "Help your brother take these. One's a good pain medicine, one will help finish bringing that fever down, the other is to help with any nausea you may be feeling."

"Thank You" Dean replied.

Nancy just nodded her head and went back to the kitchen to finish her cooking. Dean had taken the pills and laid his head back down. Sam could tell he still felt like crap but had no doubt he was feeling at least a little better.

"Breakfast is ready!" Nancy shouted from the kitchen, "Sam, Beth, come and get it while it's hot."

"You gonna be okay?" Sam asked Dean.

Dean nodded his head "Yeah, fine, go eat."

"You want any?" Sam knew he wouldn't but wanted to ask anyhow.

Dean just shook his head no and closed his eyes. His world was starting to spin and he was so tired of vomiting, he wanted to stop the spinning before it got worse. Nancy, Beth, and Sam were all sitting at the kitchen table, eating and talking.

"So, Beth, you been to the doctor yet?" Sam asked, trying to make small talk so he wouldn't worry so much about Dean.

"Yes!" She said in her bubbly way. "They said the baby's healthy and I'm farther along than I thought I was! I only have 2 ½ months left! Oh, and it's a boy!"

Sam smiled to see her so happy. She wasn't the same girl he saved in the house she was being kept at.

"Sam, how are you doing?" Beth asked.

"I'm doing okay. Exhausted, thankful for you and your mom, for helping me and Dean. I just didn't know what to do, or where to go for help. But I'm doing better now that my brother is getting the help he needs."

"You saved my baby girl, and my grandson, it's the least I could do for you." Nancy chimed in.

"Thank you" Sam repeated, this time to Nancy.

It didn't take too long, and Sam heard Dean vomiting again. He leaped from his seat and was at Dean's side in a moment's time. He was still throwing up blood. The look of desperation on Dean's face was enough to stab a knife through anyone's heart, but especially his little brother's.

Dean was so tired of feeling this way. He just wanted to get back on his feet. Even though he felt comfortable and safe where they were at, they were still in someone else's house, and this is not the way you act in someone's home.

"Sam, what the hell?" Dean said as he collapsed his upper body back onto the couch.

"It's okay, Dean, it's just going to take a little time to heal, okay? You'll be back to being a pain in my ass before you know it." Sam joked.

"Bitch." Dean replied, followed by…

"Jerk." from Sam.

Dean spent most of the day in and out of consciousness. Thanks to the medication he was getting the rest he was needing to heal. The doctor came by and brought some blood for him. Explained to Nancy how to give it to him.

Sam couldn't just sit around, he wasn't used to that. He helped fix things around the house that needed a man's touch. Beth wanted to make the guest room into a nursery, even though Sam was staying in that room he helped her work on painting it and moving some furniture out of it.

She didn't have a crib yet anyhow so they left the bed in there for Sam to sleep on. He had kept himself busy, even mowed their yard. Dean woke, needing to use the bathroom again. It was important he not walk on his own, not while getting blood, and it was equally important they keep track of his blood loss.

He hadn't vomited since breakfast time. He hasn't been up since then either. It was getting late in the evening. They had already eaten lunch and supper. Dean didn't even know he was getting blood till he woke enough, while walking to the bathroom with Sam, to notice the red in one of the tubing. He used the bathroom, blood loss was getting less. He felt like if they weren't giving him fluids he wouldn't even need to get up, but those damn fluids make anyone have to pee.

Sam didn't leave him this time. Dean was thankful for that. he couldn't stand, he had to sit on the toilet, he leaned forward and rested his head on Sam's stomach, he was feeling better but still so weak. He wasn't sure if it was from the medications but he felt foggy and drowsy.

When he was finished, Sam helped him back to the couch. He wished his brother could sleep somewhere more comfortable, like the bed, but knew there was no way he would make it up the stairs. Dean gently laid back down.

"Sam?" Dean looked up at his brother, who had sat in the chair beside the couch.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"I don't know where we are." Dean was honestly confused. He had seen Beth and knew he had tubes stuck in his arm, but wasn't sure what was going on.

"We are at Beth's mom's house. I didn't know what to do. You were getting worse. I was scared, I was honestly scared, I thought I was going to lose you, man. I called Beth, to ask for some advice and found out her mom is a nurse. Her mom, Nancy, told me to bring you here, that she would help."

Sam wasn't sure why but he had a moment of panic that his brother was going to get upset that he had reached out for help. "She has this doctor friend who's been taking care of you. That's why you have fluids and blood going into you. You've lost a lot of blood, had some internal bleeding and severe bruising. I think the blood loss is getting better, it's less than it was before, and you've gone since this morning since you've thrown up any blood."

Dean nodded, telling Sam he was able to follow what he was saying. "You also had an infection, they said it would have killed you if it wasn't taken care of, so they've had you on some pretty strong antibiotics and pain meds, to help you feel better."

Dean was surprised at the info his brother just gave him. He didn't remember any of it. "The last thing I remember, we took Beth to the bus station then we got a motel room. And it gets a little foggy after that. I know you and I had some school girl moment"

Sam chuckled at that.

"And I remember, I think I remember, Beth calling me and I know she said she was okay. But, I don't really remember anything else."

"It was probably because of that infection you had" Nancy joined in their conversation, "that and you were in enough pain that I'm surprised you were even functioning." Nancy felt his forehead again, it felt like a normal temperature. "You feeling better now?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am, I'm starting to, I think. I still feel weak, and hurt, but not as bad." Dean replied while taking long blinks, his eyes wanting to drift shut but he was fighting it.

Beth came bouncing in the room. "Dean! You're awake" she said happily as she carefully gave him a big hug. He attempted to return the hug but could barely manage laying one arm over her back.

"Beth, Sam, you two need to let Dean get some rest, okay? He should feel a lot better in the morning, but right now he still needs to rest." Nancy said as she changed out a bag of fluids that was almost empty, preparing him for the night.

She then looked at Dean, then Sam, then back to Dean. "Tomorrow if you're feeling better, we need to get you in the shower, you've sweat a lot with the fever you had and we gotta keep any wounds clean. We don't want that infection setting back in. You'll also need new bandaging, so we'll take care of all that tomorrow, for now, you need to take some more pills and finish getting rest." She said as she handed out the pills and a glass of water.

Dean tried to push himself up so he could take it from her but he couldn't seem to manage it, Sam rushed over and helped. Dean held the glass, but his hands were shaking so much that Sam had to help with that as well. Dean felt helpless. He hated feeling this way, but he was thankful for the help right now. Sam lowered him back down on the couch.

"Get you some rest, it's safe here, I'll see you in the morning" he said to Dean as he turned off the lamp that was on the table beside the couch.

Beth gave him another hug and a peck on the cheek, "Night, Dean." she said.

The house went dark, Dean's eyes fluttered shut and didn't reopen. Sam had laid in his bed, he had a long day, keeping himself busy around their house, it didn't take him long to fall asleep either.

Morning seemed to come way too soon. Sam was still tired, he had slept all night but felt like he needed more sleep. He got up and went downstairs to check on Dean.

Dean was still asleep, his normal light snores filling the silence. It was a comforting sound to Sam. He sat in the chair, that happened to be a recliner, he let the foot rest out, reclined it back and quickly fell back asleep with the comforting sound of his brother sleeping.

Nancy had some things to do in town, she talked Beth into going with her when she saw the brothers both sleeping in the living room. She had placed a blanket over Sam, left him a note in case he woke. And the girls left, leaving the exhausted brothers resting comfortably.

"SAM! Sam?" Dean had woken in a panic, quickly waking Sam with the call of his name.

He leaped to his brother's side. "Dean, you okay?"

Dean's breath was fast, he was unable to take in deep breathes. Sam wasn't sure what was going on. Wasn't sure if his brother had a nightmare, or something else.

"Sam?" Dean repeated.

"Dean, Dean I'm right here." Sam said, sounding slightly panicked now. "Dean, what's wrong?"

"I…I don't know." Dean said, a confused look on his face.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Sam asked.

Dean just slowly shook his head, he wasn't sure, he didn't know what was going on, why he called Sam's name or what woke him, "I don't know, Sam, I don't know." he finally answered.

"It's okay. You're okay, Dean. You're safe right now. We're safe. It's okay." Sam tried to reassure him.

He slowly nodded his head as he was beginning to understand, and come back to his senses. He had laid his head back down, curled into a ball with his arms wrapped around his stomach.

"You hurting?" Sam asked.

"Yeah" Dean replied, "but, I'm okay, it'll go away." he added.

About that time Nancy and Beth had returned.

"Yay! Dean you're awake!" Beth exclaimed. She quickly sat the bags she was carrying on the kitchen table and ran to give Dean a hug.

Sam and Nancy both noticed the grimace on Dean's face when she hugged him, but he would never let her know she just hurt him. "You feeling better, Dean?" Beth asked.

"You look better, a whole lot better. We got you some food, pudding, jello, soft stuff like that if you wanna try to eat something. Because, you know, you gotta eat something, eventually. But we also got you some stuff to drink, like Gatorade, to help get all your electrolytes and stuff back the way they are supposed to be. So, you wanna try something? Want anything to eat? Or drink?" Beth was blabbering 1oo miles per hour. She hadn't even stopped to give Dean a chance to reply to her.

"Beth!" Nancy stopped her, "calm down. You're gonna cause the poor guy anxiety as fast as your mouth is moving. Put the groceries away and give him a chance to breath."

Nancy smiled at Dean and he returned the smile, a way of thanking her. Once Beth was out of the room Nancy sat at Dean's feet.

"How you feeling today?"

Dean just nodded his head, a way of saying he was okay.

"You think you're up to getting cleaned up? Your brother can help you. You'll need him to, trust me. I don't expect you to be very steady on your feet yet."

She had stood and disconnected the blood tubing. The bag was empty. He was finished with that. she also removed the antibiotic bag that was finished. Throwing both of those in the trash she came back and unscrewed the tubing to the fluid from the IV cath that was in his arm.

"I'll reconnect the fluids when you're finished. You're gonna need those until you're able to start eating and drinking enough."

Dean, again, just nodded his head. He felt like his body was trembling. He wasn't sure what was going on with him, but maybe a hot shower would help. He tried to get up on his own but failed. Sam helped him off the couch and kept him steady while they walked to the bathroom.

"Sam" Dean said shyly, "I… I don't want… I can do this… I can take a shower myself." He lowered his head, ashamed.

"Dean" Sam replied, "I know you can, but I also know right now, you're weak, you're wobbly on your feet at best. I think I need to help you. Look man, I know this can't be easy, but I'm telling you, for your safety, you need to let me help you this time."

Dean was not at all happy about that, but couldn't disagree with his reasoning. Once he stepped in the shower, he braced himself against the wall in front of him. "I got this Sam, you can go somewhere." Dean insisted.

"Fine." Sam replied, "I'll sit on the toilet and wait, I'm not leaving you."

"Whatever." Dean replied, irritated at the whole situation.

Once Dean was done Sam helped him out of the shower and with his clothing. "Feel better?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Dean replied.

"You smell better, that's for sure." Sam joked.

"Because you have room to talk?" Dean shot back at him.

A little hint of the old Dean shining through. Dean needed to shave, he had way too much stubble on his face. He rubbed it with his hand, but decided he didn't have the strength for that right now. He was feeling worn out from what little he has done. He also didn't want to lay back on the couch. He needed to get up, to move.

Nancy was in the kitchen, getting lunch ready. Dean made his way into there with her, he sat in a chair at the table, that lasted about 2 seconds. As soon as he sat on the hard wood surface he was back to his feet. He forgot how sensitive his injuries were. He cursed himself for being such a girl.

Nancy didn't say anything. There was a chair nearby that had padding on it, she just walked over and sat it beside Dean, giving him the option to sit in something a little more comfortable to him. He welcomed the cushion and sat in the chair.

"You want something sweetie?" Nancy asked.

"No ma'am, just tired of the couch." Dean replied.

"Well, since you're sitting at the table, how about you try to eat or drink something?" Nancy suggested.

"Yes ma'am." he replied.

"How about we start with a Gatorade?" she suggested, opening the lid and handing it to him.

He thanked her, his hands still trembling, making it hard to hold without spilling it. Sam was standing nearby, he wasn't going to leave his brother's side if there was a possibility he needed him.

"Here Dean let me help." Sam suggested.

Dean, irritated, pushed Sam's hand away "I got this." he replied.

"Hey Sam, out in my garage I have a light that doesn't want to work, I'm not sure if it's the wiring or just the bulb, would you mind checking that out for me? And Beth has some stuff she needs to do in town, if you don't mind going with her. Don't worry about Dean, I'll watch him" Nancy stated, giving Dean a little wink.

Sam got the hint, "Yes ma'am" he said as he left the room.

"Thanks" Dean said.

Nancy just smiled again, sitting in a chair across from him. "You're welcome, I figured, between the two of them, you could use a moment to yourself."

"Yes ma'am." Dean replied, thankful that Nancy was able to see his discomfort.

Dean sat in the chair, sipping on his drink, trying to keep his stomach settled. He was so tired of feeling sick. So tired of vomiting.

"So, how are you feeling?" Nancy asked.

"Better, thank you."

"Okay," Nancy answered, not satisfied with his answer, "there's no one else in here but you and me, so how about you be honest, Hun? How you really feeling?"

Nancy asked with her eyebrows raised and a look on her face saying she wouldn't accept anything but the truth. Dean hasn't had a mother figure since he was four. He wasn't used to this kind of treatment, or compassion.

"I'll be fine." he replied, hoping that was answer enough.

"I didn't ask how you think you'll be, I asked how you are doing right now, at this moment." Nancy replied, getting an eyeroll from Dean.

She reached across the table and placed her hand on Dean's hand, calming the trembling. Dean swallowed hard, he felt like he wanted to break down in tears, but also felt the need to keep up the tough act, to protect her from the truth. He knew he couldn't, she wouldn't allow it.

"I…" Dean started with a shaky voice, and unsure of what he was going to say or how he really felt. "I don't know. I'm tired of feeling weak. Tired of feeling sick."

Dean was being the most honest he had ever been with anyone besides Sam. "I'm tired of this pain I feel. I… I just wish it would all go away. I want myself back."

Nancy continued to hold her hand on Dean's, allowing her caring compassion to radiate from her to Dean. He could feel it. Once he started, he couldn't seem to stop. He had so much built up, it was feeling good to be able to talk to someone besides Sam.

"I… don't like this feeling. I feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm in someone else's body. This isn't the first time… that something like this has happened. I know the feeling, but this, this is different, I don't know why, maybe because I'm older? Maybe everything I felt before is being mixed with the present? I've… I've been dealing, with a lot, the last few months. I've found myself spiraling down, a dark road. I held a gun to my head."

The tears started dripping from his eyes. "I actually held a gun to my own head. Sam stopped me. I don't know if he knows it or not, but he did. I don't know what he knows and what he doesn't I've been feeling so lost lately. Sometimes, especially right now, I've been wondering why the hell I didn't just pull the trigger. I don't want to do this. I don't want to keep dealing with this."

Dean wiped the tears from his face. "It's like… it's like my life has looped back around. Life has repeated itself. But not the good, only the worst of the worst. I've worked so hard… to keep myself strong, to not feel… but right now, it's like all that was for nothing. I feel, not just physically, but mentally weak." Dean stopped to dry his eyes again, giving Nancy a spot to reply to what he had said.

She had sat quietly listening to him, allowing him to let out what he needed. "Sweetie, you need to realize, the reason you couldn't pull that trigger, is because you still have a purpose in this life. You're not finished yet. Your brother needs you, and you saved my Beth. That's two things right off the top of my head that I can be sure of."

She gave Dean a reassuring smile. "I'm not sure why what happened, happened. I don't know why there are such evil people in this world. But, I do know you're strong enough to handle this. You're a fighter, that's for sure. I saw the condition you were in when you first got here, and honey, I don't think you would have still been alive, or doing as good as you are right now, if you weren't one hell of a fighter."

Dean gave her a quick, fleeting smile. He was thankful for what she just said.

"So," she continued. "Tell me, what's going on in that head of yours?" Dean took a moment to collect his thoughts.

"We didn't exactly have a normal family, we didn't have a normal upbringing. Our mom, she got killed, in a house fire, when I was four and Sam was just a baby. Our dad, he raised us. Well, actually, I raised Sammy. Dad didn't know… well he wasn't exactly always around. He couldn't handle his emotions, either. But, everything he felt, it came out as anger, you know."

Dean shrugged like it was common knowledge what he was saying. "He didn't like to show any emotions. I don't know if he realized what he was doing. But, he wasn't always the nicest. I know he loved us. And, I made sure Sammy was safe, he didn't hurt him. And, I know Dad got lonely. He, I don't know, he looked to me to help him with that too, like everything else."

Dean lowered his head. "I didn't tell anyone, not until a few months ago, while I was in my dark place. I told Sam, he's the only one who knows. He didn't, you know, have intercourse, or anything. But other stuff, yes." Dean paused, hearing a noise, making sure his brother, or Beth wasn't around them.

"It's okay, sweetie." Nancy reassured.

Dean continued, "When Sam, he had enough of our dad. He turned 18 and left, they had a huge argument. And, like always, Dad blamed me for letting him go. He… he cared more about his booze than me."

Dean had a hint of anger in his voice. "He, traded me for his bar tab." Dean's tears were falling harder, he was trying to hold them back but wasn't having much success.

"Dean," Nancy replied, "it's okay to have emotions. It's okay to feel angry, to feel hurt and betrayed."

Dean gave her a look, like he had never heard that before. He was never told it was okay to have emotions.

"I… I am" he said, "I really am, I'm pissed, I feel like he should have been there for me, but instead he… he tied me to the bed, and left me... he left me with guys he had just met. Guys who offered an unlimited bar tab for… me."

Dean's anger in his tone was raising. His trembling became harder. He pulled his hand away from Nancy's and pushed himself away from the table with anger filling him.

"Dean."

Nancy's voice was so calm and caring. She walked over to where he was standing. He was holding onto the table with both hands, bent over, trembling, crying, angry. She put a gentle hand on his back.

"It's okay to be pissed off. You deserve to be able to express your anger, your frustration. This conversation, it stays right here, okay?" she reassured Dean. "This is a safe place to express yourself. Your brother, Beth, they don't have to know we even had a conversation. As far as they know, you are sleeping right now."

Dean was more comfortable with that information. "Can we… go to the living room? I need a little more comfortable chair. I'm kinda hurting, a lot." Dean still wasn't sure about expressing his true feelings.

"Of course, sweetie." Nancy said as she helped him into the living room. He was tired of the couch so he sat in the chair, he could sit at an angle, making it more comfortable.

"So, does your dad know what happened that night?" Nancy asked.

Dean nodded his head, "He… he made sure I was not dressed, and he tied me to the bed. He knew. He wasn't stupid, maybe drunk, but not stupid. Besides, I wasn't awake, but I'm sure he was the one who untied me. He didn't even care. He…" Dean started stuttering, he couldn't continue, he was speechless at this point.

"So, how many, guys, did, your dad leave you with?" Nancy wanted Dean to be able to release everything he was holding inside.

"Two." Dean answered, sounding a little calmer than before. "He left me with two, but more came. I don't know, I can't be sure, but there was 6 or 7, maybe more? I'm not sure. It… it was hell, it… I, I thought I was going to die, I mean, literally. I hadn't ever been in that type of… a position… before. And, I remember, just being scared." Dean had to stop again.

"How old were you?" Nancy asked.

"22, but, I've never been a kid, never had a chance, so age doesn't matter, it's just a number." Dean replied.

He knew she was going to say he was young, but Dean hasn't been young since he was 4 years old.

"Can I give you my opinion on something?" Nancy asked, "an observation?"

Dean nodded his head yes but was too busy drying his tears to answer her.

"Sweetie, this is what you've told me… you said that the first time, in the place where Beth was, you were tied to a bed, right?"

Dean nodded again.

"And, you also told me that the night your dad spent at the bar, he tied you to the bed. I'm sure the emotions you're feeling, they are connected. There's too many similarities. I don't know if you understand anything about PTSD, but it would only seem logical that you have a touch of it. And, being what happened, recently, is a huge trigger, setting off all kinds of memories and emotions."

She paused and pulled a chair in front of Dean, taking both of his hands in hers. "You need time to heal. Healing doesn't just mean that lacerations and broken bones heal and bruises go away. It also means you have to heal on the inside. Your emotions have to heal. Your heart has to heal. And something tells me, you never allowed yourself to properly heal, from anything in your life."

Dean, looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears, the look on his face told her that she was right, but he had never seen it before. He had never had anyone with the knowledge she had. No one to care, like only a mother can. She wrapped her arms around him, embracing him in a loving hug as he continued to cry and let out every emotion he was feeling, everything he was holding in. At that moment, he wished, more than anything he had his mom. He had never wanted a mother more than this moment.


	11. Chapter 11

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 11

Dean wasn't sure how long he sat in Nancy's embrace, allowing his emotions to flow so freely. His body was starting to ache, he knew he needed to lay down. Nancy must have noticed, as his tears slowed his body started to shift, trying to find comfort. He didn't want to lose this moment, he had never felt this kind of freedom. He never had anyone, especially a mother figure, show as much love and compassion as Nancy was at that moment.

"Hey," she gently spoke to Dean, lifting his head into her hands, "why don't you lay down for a little while? I'm sure you're getting uncomfortable sitting like this."

Dean's eyes told her the only answer she needed to hear. She helped him off the chair and to the couch. He laid, propped up on the arm of the couch, laying on his left side for comfort. "Better?" Nancy asked.

"Yes ma'am." Dean responded.

"Dean, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course." Nancy had started hooking the fluids back to Dean's IV, she knew he hadn't drunk much and needed to keep him from getting dehydrated.

"You said your mom died when you were four?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Have you ever had a mother? Since your mom died?"

"No ma'am." Dean replied with a bit of sadness in his voice.

"So, who took care of you?" Nancy knew he said his dad was never around and since he hadn't had a mom she felt heartbroken.

"I did." Dean replied, causing Nancy's heart to break a little more. "I also took care of Sammy. I raised him. Not Dad, me. Like I said, I was never a kid, didn't have the chance. I had a little brother I had to take care of. We never stayed in one place too long, moved around a lot. And Dad, if he was around, he was drunk, so I couldn't count on him to take care of my little brother."

"So, you had no one?"

"I had Sammy." Dean replied

"I'm so sorry, hun." Nancy felt like she needed to apologize, as a mom she would never want to leave her child like that. She would never want any child to grow up alone like those boys did. She was beginning to understand how much healing Dean needed to do. "How have you dealt with that? With being so alone, and the responsibility of raising a child?"

"I… I don't know." Dean looked at her slightly confused. "I just did, I guess. I did what I had to do. I followed Dad's orders, I made sure, no matter what I had to sacrifice, Sam had what he needed. And, Dad too."

Dean dropped his head, he was seeing things differently than he had seen them before. But then again, he never had anyone besides his brother that he felt so comfortable being honest with. Hell, he didn't even feel this comfortable with Sam.

"I… I'm not the innocent person you think I am. I've done a lot of wrong in my life. My dad, he always told me that I deserved everything… bad… life gave me. I've always believed him, I still do. It's like, I feel like this is life's way of punishing me for doing wrong."

"Do you mean to do wrong? Do you see yourself as being malicious?"

"No ma'am. I really don't, I try to do good. I try to help people, I try to save people, from the bad things out there, but it doesn't always work the way I plan and sometimes people do get hurt, or worse." Dean wasn't sure how to explain what he was talking about without explaining what he did.

"So, while trying to save people, sometimes they get hurt in the process? Or you're not able to save them like you expected?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"And, how is that your fault?"

"I… I don't know." Dean was honestly confused, he didn't ever see things that way.

"Dean, I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. A lot more than what you even realize. A lot more than what you should. You've had a lot of responsibility put on your shoulders, quite literally, the weight of the world, and you still feel that responsibility is yours to carry. Am I right?"

Dean nodded his head, "Yes ma'am."

"Dean, honey, you gotta give yourself a break, you don't need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders like you do. Can you do me a favor? I know it won't be easy, but if you could do just one thing for me, can you please do me this one favor?"

Dean, giving Nancy a questioning look, "What is it?"

"Give yourself a break. While you're here, you don't have any responsibilities, not even your brother. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself, but, it's also important to allow him to take care of you. And Beth, and myself."

She gently brushed his hair from his forehead. "You need to allow all of us to care for you. I'm sure you've never had that before, you have this need to be so strong, but I'm telling you, it's okay to lean on others. That doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human. And you need to allow yourself that. Can you try that for me? Please?"

"I… I don't know. You're right. I've never, depended on anyone, besides myself. I can't, there's no one that… everyone ends up leaving, one way or another, it's always just me and Sam, there's no one else that stays, around, no one to depend on." Dean's voice was sad, Nancy could hear the heartbreak in his tone.

"Have you ever played pretend? Make believe?"

"Yes ma'am." Dean found that a bit funny, since that's all him and Sam did was pretend to be anyone but themselves.

"Okay, here's what I want you to do, I want you to pretend. Pretend that you're a normal person, who grew up in a normal home, with parents who were around."

Dean interrupted her, "I don't know what that's like."

"It's like this." Nancy replied waving her arm around the room, "pretend… pretend that I'm your mom. Pretend you were raised with the person you always imagined a mom to be, then pretend that I'm that person. And Sam, and Beth, they are your brother and sister. And, this is your home."

Dean was getting tired, he had an emotional day and stayed awake, and sitting up, longer than he has for days. Nancy sat on the floor beside Dean, pulling his blanket over him and helping him scoot himself into a more comfortable position.

She started brushing her fingers through his hair, straightening the bed head he had going on. She was so gentle and so loving. She continued to talk in a low, calming voice.

"You're safe here, in your home, with your family. You don't have anything to worry about. Nothing to do but allow everyone to take care of you while you allow yourself to heal. In a normal family, people let their emotions out, they don't have to pretend to be strong all the time, it's okay to have feelings, and it's okay to act on those emotions. If you're mad, get mad, yell, scream, punch something, whatever you need to do to get those feelings out, so they aren't pinned up. If you're happy, laugh, goof off, play around. It's okay. Just know, that in this family, in your family, here, no matter what feelings you may express, no matter how much you may need to lean on someone, everyone's hearts are still full of love. Nothing you could do would ever change that."

Dean had closed his eyes under the comfort of Nancy's touch, and calming words. She finished talking but was still giving him the much-needed physical contact. It didn't take long after she finished talking for him to fall into a restful sleep.

He felt a peace like he had never felt before, he felt a love that was unfamiliar. Sam and Beth returned to the house, Nancy quieted them immediately, reminding them that Dean still needed all the rest he could get. Nancy sat back, amused by the two who were occupying her home.

Sam and Beth. They were running around the house, acting like a couple of teenagers. Goofy and hyper. Just like they were brother and sister. Nancy had a hard time keeping them quiet, and occupied. She had gone to begin dinner and Sam, taking a break from the games him and Beth were playing, joined Nancy in the kitchen. She was chopping carrots for the roast she was cooking, Sam leaned against the counter, stealing a couple pieces to snack on.

"How's Dean doing?" Sam asked.

"He's hanging in there, he's a fighter, Sam, he just needs time to heal. He'll be fine, I promise." Nancy replied as she wiped her hand down his face.

He gave her a smile, he was feeling the same that Dean had felt, like it was the first time he had a mother figure in his life, the first time that someone has showed him gentle love.

"Do you need any help in here?" He asked.

"No, sweetie, you and Beth go finish your games, I've got this in here." Nancy replied, "And, hey Sam, please try to not wake your brother, he needs his rest".

Sam nodded his head as he headed out of the kitchen back to causing mischief with Beth. While they were goofing off, they managed to wake Dean. He wasn't upset, he laid on the couch finding the two of them amusing. Nancy had noticed Dean awake, but the other two didn't. She sat on the couch at his feet.

"I've been trying to keep those two quiet since they've gotten back. They are just as bad as two teenagers." Nancy laughed.

"I've noticed" Dean chuckled.

"DEAN!" Beth was way louder than she meant to be.

She ran over to him, practically jumping on top of him, giving him a great big hug. It was a bit of a shock to Dean. He wasn't expecting it and couldn't hold back the groan of pain she caused.

"Beth, careful!" Nancy reminded her.

Beth apologized several times and Dean kept telling her it was okay. She helped him push himself to a seated position. He knew he couldn't keep laying around all the time and needed to at least sit up. He leaned over, resting his head on Nancy's shoulder for a few moments while his body adjusted to sitting.

"Dean, how you feeling?" Sam asked

"Better." Dean answered, giving Sam a slight grin.

He pushed himself off the couch, his arms were shaking, he was still weak, still unsteady on his feet. Nancy had given him a slight push to help him off the couch. Dean was thankful that she helped him and he wasn't being overpowered by this little brother.

Once Sam realized Dean was up he was by this side, helping him keep stable while he walked to the bathroom.

"I got this!" Dean had waited until they were at the bathroom door to push his brother away from him, he tried to sound irritated at him but was thankful for the help.

"Dinner's ready." Nancy hollered from the kitchen as Dean came out of the bathroom. "Dean you wanna try to eat something?" Nancy asked. "It'll help you feel better." she added.

Dean hadn't eaten anything in close to a week. He wasn't sure how it would settle on his stomach. "Yes ma'am, I'll try." Dean replied as he made his way to the table.

Sam and Beth, obviously had inside secrets they kept laughing about. Dean slowly ate a couple bites of his food, allowing it to digest before taking another bite, waiting for any signs of nausea.

Over the next few days he was slowly beginning to feel more like himself, getting his strength back. He was able to sit up more, instead of laying down. Able to keep small amounts of food and fluids down, when he tried to overdo it, it still made him sick.

He was tired of vomiting so he chose to stick with very small amounts, giving his stomach time to adjust. He wasn't in need of the fluids anymore, the doctor had come to the house to check on him, she was impressed with how well he was doing.

Her and Nancy both sat with him, after having Sam and Beth leave the house, and reminded him how his healing is more than just the broken ribs and disappearing bruises. Dean knew this, he was reluctant to have the conversation. He wanted to do what he always did, push it away and forget it. He hated having feelings, this emotional crap was for chicks, and he wasn't a chick, he was a manly man. Nancy could sense Dean's discomfort and cut the conversation short, suggesting Dean go spend some time out of the house.

Sam and Beth were outside. There was a large field behind the house, the crops had been harvested long ago, leaving overgrown weeds in their place. The grass was freshly mowed, Sam had needed something to keep him busy.

Dean and Nancy had walked out onto the back porch. It was the middle of the day. The sun was shining brightly. There was a roof covering the porch. They sat on the white wicker furniture with flowered cushions. Dean looked over the land. There were flowers, lining the cement floor beneath them. Tall, purple flowers with smaller yellow ones surrounding them, full of green leaves. There was a walkway made of gravel and walking stones, lined with the same flowers. The walkway ended in a circle. The circle was surrounded by blocks, with a brick floor. In the middle, a rounded cement bench, there were pots of flowers on each side of the bench.

The pots had small red flowers mixed with yellow and purple, even smaller white flowers with green covering the base of the soil. The circle was lined with the purple and yellow flowers that seemed to line everything else. Perfect, weeded beds of flowers. Perfect mowed grass. The yard had two big trees, trimmed, with the grass trimmed around them.

The field started where the perfectly cut grass ended, leaving clumps of dirt and patches of tall weeds. Sam and Beth had found some mischief to get into in the field, throwing dirt at each other, running around, Sam was enjoying life. Dean sat there, a small smile on his face, an even bigger smile in his heart. If he didn't know what real angels looked like he would swear those two looked like angels out in the field, the golden sun shining down on them, leaving an almost glow around the two.

He was thankful that he was experiencing this moment, that his brother was experiencing this moment. Life had been so hard on them both. Dean always wanted Sam to have his innocence, a childhood he never had. Even if just for a fleeting moment, Sam was getting that, Dean was getting to witness what he had always wanted.

Nancy had made sure Dean kept a drink nearby, he had to stay hydrated so he didn't need to be administered fluids any longer. He was still having difficulty keeping large amounts of food down, he sometimes still struggled keeping anything down. Dean and Nancy sat on the back porch, together, sipping on the lemon aid she had made.

Dean had taken the time to notice Nancy for the first time since they met. He had been too sick, in too much pain, to notice much. She was young, much younger looking than the wisdom she held. He figured she must have had Beth at a young age. She couldn't have been too old, maybe 22 at most? Nancy couldn't be older than 40, not much older than Dean, himself.

She had shoulder length, blonde hair. It had a nice, natural wave to it. Her skin looked golden in the sun, he could tell she spent time outside, she had a natural tan to her skin. Her blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, her cheeks held a natural pink color, her lips were full, the shade of perfection. She was nicely built, Dean figured maybe a size 8 or 10.

He noticed she had all the right curves in all the right places, he couldn't help but notice her nice size breasts, that just came natural to him. He loved women's bodies. He loved everything about them, but at this moment, he was loving everything he saw in Nancy. He had to shake himself out of his thoughts, only a few moments ago she was more of a motherly figure to him, now he was seeing her as so much more. "I'm going to hell." he thought to himself as he tried not to notice her perfection.

Dean's mind began to wonder to his past. He couldn't have been 13, maybe 14 years old. He had already had his experience with his dad and the other hunter, the night that was engraved in his memory forever. His dad beat him after that, said he didn't raise a fag. Dean didn't know what had happened. He had an orgasm during the encounter, but had never experienced one before, at that time, he didn't know that was a natural reaction to that type of stimuli.

His dad had convinced him that meant he enjoyed it. After several months his dad decided he needed to be with a woman. He had found a prostitute, she was shocked when she entered the room and found out she would be with a boy instead of the man who she came back with.

"What you're doing is illegal either way, so what does it matter?" John said to the woman. "I'm paying you good, he needs to learn somehow, so teach him." John said as he sat on his bed with a beer.

The woman had worked her magic on young Dean, making him enjoy every moment with the woman. After that, his dad would acquire prostitutes, for the both of them, on a normal basis. Dean was taught that's what women were, they were sex objects. He didn't mind it so much because his dad would stop using him when he had a prostitute around, and Dean was young enough that he didn't mind getting his rocks off as often as he could. He didn't realize how much that thought bothered him. How much he hated his dad for teaching him that. He hated viewing women as sexual objects.

"Hey, sweetie, you okay?" Nancy asked.

Dean hadn't noticed he was physically reacting to his memories. He wiped a single tear from his eye.

"yes ma'am." he replied.

"Anything you wanna talk about?" Nancy questioned, hoping he would talk to her and not hold his feelings in.

Dean just shook his head, he wasn't sure how to tell her what he was thinking.

"Dean, you know you can talk to me, right? About anything, no matter how hard it may be, I'm here to help you." Nancy reassured him.

"Yes, ma'am, it's just, my mind wondered back to a memory, something I don't like." Dean replied.

"What about?" Nancy didn't want to push Dean too hard, but knew he wouldn't budge without being pushed.

"I.. I just… I was just remembering some things my dad taught me, some things I wish he didn't. Just, a way of thinking, that I don't like."

"The way you think about what?"

"Honestly, ma'am, no disrespect, but… he didn't exactly teach me the proper way to think about women. And, well, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you look, and… well.." Dean began to blush a little. "My dad only taught me one way to think about women, and it isn't the way I want to see you."

"And, how is that?"

Dean couldn't answer, he gave her a look saying she should already know what he meant. She did, but she was wanting him to talk about it, so she changed her question.

"How did he go about teaching you that?"

"He… started when I was maybe 13? He started paying for prostitutes to… well, teach me, how to be with a woman. He had… um… already… he said he didn't raise a fag. He already introduced me to that lifestyle, and he… I don't know what he was thinking. But basically, he taught me that women were for one thing and one thing only, and basically, he paid for that lesson to be taught to me, even though, at the same time he taught me not to pay for it, that there's enough women out there ready and willing, 'get them a little drunk and you're good to go' he would say."

"And, you don't agree with that?"

"No ma'am. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of one-night stands, picked up enough girls at bars, but I don't agree with that."

Nancy nodded in agreeance. "Have you ever had a long-term relationship?"

"No ma'am, not really, unless you count a couple months as long term. In our job, our life, we don't stay around one place too long, so we don't really get the chance to make long term relationships, not with women and not with friends."

"Ever?" Dean just shook his head no. "Dean, what is it you boys do?"

Dean had been honest with her, more honest than he has been with anyone, he wasn't about to lie to her now, but also didn't know how to tell the truth. "We're hunters."

"Hunters? Like for animals, or like bounty hunters?"

"Um… more like the bounty hunter type."

"So, you're cops?"

Dean chuckled, "Sometimes."

"So, then, what is it you boys hunt?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Monsters, we hunt monsters, ghosts, vampires, all the creepy, scary things that kids are afraid of in the night, they're real, and my brother and I hunt them and save people."

"Is that how you saved my Beth?"

"Yes ma'am, it was what you call an Alp, it's like a vampire, only different, and feed on pregnant women, but, they also don't leave anyone alive in the home. When I met Beth, I knew she was in danger, since they already had an attack in the town, so we scoped out the house, waited for the sign, and went in to kill the thing and save Beth."

Dean drew in a deep breath. "Our plan got sidetracked when Sam knocked something over, getting me caught by the others in the home, they didn't see Sam, we are experts, we know how to get around so, if we are caught, only one of us is caught, that way the other one can finish the job or save the other one. So, while I kept them… um… occupied… Sam went upstairs and killed the Alp and saved Beth, then he rescued me. So, yeah, that's pretty much what happened." Dean was emotionless, speaking the facts without the feeling involved.

Nancy was shocked, to say the least, but had no reason to disbelieve Dean. "So, you're serious? Those things are real?"

"Yes ma'am."

"You're gonna have to give me a little while to process what you've just told me."

Dean chuckled, "Take your time, it's not an easy thing to accept. I remember when Sam first found out, he cried himself to sleep that night. I tried not to tell him, I didn't want him to know, I wanted him to keep his childhood, or what little childhood he was able to have, but most importantly, he had his innocence, the innocence he lost that night." Dean dropped his head, ashamed that he had to tell Sam the truth and, basically, ruin his life.

"Your dad, he did the same thing? He hunted these… monsters… too?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And, he didn't tell your brother?"

"No ma'am, like I said, I raised him, he was my responsibility. Dad was never around, he was obsessed with hunting. If he was around, he was drunk, or in some emotional slump from the hunt he had finished. I tried to keep Sam as far away from Dad as I could, I had to protect him, so he didn't get hurt."

"How would he have gotten hurt?"

"Dad. He knew if he touched Sammy I would kill him, but that just meant I was his punching bag, both physically and mentally, it sucked, but as long as it kept Sam from the brunt of his anger, I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Dean, you do realize you do not have to be responsible for everyone in the world, right?"

Dean had looked at her for the first time since the conversation started, he gave her a look that disagreed with what she had just said. He, honestly, felt he was responsible for everyone he came into contact with. He had to protect the world from the creatures they knew nothing about.

Nancy had reached over and placed her hand on Dean's, giving it a slight squeeze, reassuring him that she was there, that she understood, the best she could, she understood. Even if she couldn't understand everything, she understood that he felt the way he did and nothing she said or did would change his beliefs, not anytime soon, anyhow.

"DEAN!" Beth's voice pulled him from his thoughts and put a stop to the conversation.

She didn't notice, but Sam did. He knew they had just interrupted a deep, serious conversation. Beth sat beside Dean, giving him a great big hug. She was generally happy to see him.

"What'cha doing outside, Dean?" Beth asked. "Wanna go play in the field?"

Dean just shook his head, "I'm good." he replied. "I'm working on getting my strength back, I don't think running around a field is going to help that any."

Beth agreed.

Sam, sat in one of the chairs, watching his brother intensely, not sure what was going on in his brother's head but knew he had something serious going on in there.

"Hey, Beth, why don't you go get me some more lemon aid?" Nancy requested.

Beth got up, took her mom's glass, and went inside.

"Everything okay, Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean just nodded his head.

"You sure?" Sam questioned, knowing there was something going on.

"Your brother and I were just talking about the job you two do, he'll be fine, just working through some stuff in his head." Nancy reassured Sam.

He was shocked to hear that. "Our job? Like, our job, job?" he asked Dean.

"Yeah, like the truth, like what we really do." Dean said, a little irritated, he stood and walked inside, not wanting to hear what his brother had to say about that.


	12. Chapter 12

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **THE WEB WE WEAVE**

CHAPTER 12

Several more days had passed, the boys had enjoyed the safety of the home for almost 2 weeks. That was record time for them to be in one place, especially these days.

Dean had regained most of his strength and had healed, physically he had completely healed, he still had moments he didn't feel like eating much, but knew it was necessary for his strength. Mentally, he had healed more than ever before. He was broken. He knew that. Sam knew that. Nancy knew that. There was no way to completely fix him, but he had come a long way in the short time they were there.

Sam wanted to stay, he knew his brother would have nothing to do with that, but, he wasn't going to let them walk out of the only place he's felt at home without at least discussing it with Dean. He had waited until everyone went to bed. Dean had gotten tired of the couch, but there was only one single bed in the guest room, that was quickly becoming a nursery too.

Sam had offered the bed to Dean, to give him a break from the couch, but Dean had refused, every night it was the same. He wanted his little brother to have the room, the comfort of the bed. Usually, the boys would have worked around each other and fit in the bed together. Protecting each other. But, Dean was still having a hard time with that kind of physical contact. He didn't want anything to do with another man, even if it was his own brother, being around him, touching more than just his arm or to help him stand or walk.

Tonight, was different. Tonight, Sam sat in the living room, waiting for everyone to go to bed. He hadn't offered the room to Dean, instead he wanted to talk to him, in private, and figured the best place to do that was downstairs, while everyone else was upstairs. Dean could tell by Sam's behavior something was up. He didn't mention what he noticed, he waited for Sam to bring it up. After everyone went to bed, Sam sat in the chair, silent.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Sam replied.

"Okay?"

"Can we stay? Stay here?"

"What! Um… Sam, you know better than that."

"I know, I know we have a job to do, people to save, the whole family business stuff, but… Dean, I feel like… I don't know, this is the first time I've ever felt like I had a home, a family, I mean besides you of course, but this just feels…right."

Dean agreed with Sam, but he also knew they were hunters and their welcome would soon wear out. He wanted to leave before that happened. He hated that every bridge they seemed to cross got burnt in the end. He wanted, more than anything, for things to be different this time.

"Sam, you know we can't, we have a job to do and it's a dangerous gig, we can't put the safety of innocent people in danger because you 'feel like you're at home'." Sam had dropped his head.

"Dean, I know the way you've been acting. I know you're ready to go, ready to move on, find another hunt. But, I'm not! I don't want to leave! I like it here, and I know Nancy would let us stay, as long as your normal hard headedness doesn't get us kicked out. Dean it's just not fair! I finally feel like I'm a little bit normal, like I have a family and a home and you want to just rip that away from me!"

Sam was getting upset, raising his voice a little higher with each word.

"Sam! Would you lower your voice? You don't want to wake anyone. Look, I said we had to leave, I didn't say it had to be tonight. But, yes, we have to leave soon. I don't want to overstay our welcome. Sammy, I've enjoyed it here as much as you have. I couldn't be more thankful that you brought me here, gave me a place to heal, to get better without having to continue to fight. I'm thankful for what everyone has done. I feel better than I have in a long time. I'm ready to go back out there, face life again. Face OUR life again. We can't keep pretending that we live a life we don't."

"Why not? Isn't that what we always do? Pretend to be someone we're not? We have fake IDs for a reason, Dean, several of them, so we can pretend to be someone else."

"Sam, you know that's for our job, not…"

"Not for our pleasure? Is that what you were going to say? So, we aren't allowed to have any pleasure in life? No fun? We're not allowed to be normal? Why? because we got stuck with a dad who was obsessed with hunting, who trained you to be his perfect little soldier and nothing else, that means we have to keep up the gig? We can't stop to have a little pleasure? A little enjoyment?"

"Sam…"

"NO! I won't stop! I'm being serious, Dean. I'm sick of this. Just because Dad beat the hell out of you, making you afraid to disobey, doesn't mean you have to continue it. I mean, what the hell are you afraid of? You afraid someone's gonna come in here, rape you or beat you or something, if you don't keep up Dad's work?"

Sam had just crossed the line, but he was too upset to even notice. "I mean, get real. I know you've been through some shit, but don't you think that entitles you to have some enjoyment too? Some safety? I mean, you've lived your whole life digging deep in other's crap. You've taken beating after beating everywhere you've gone. You can't say you haven't felt safe here. I know you have. No one has hurt you."

Sam lowed his voice a little, realizing he was getting too loud again. "I've never seen you so relaxed, so open and honest. All you ever do is fear, that's all you've ever done. You can pretend like you don't, you can pretend to be all tough, but I see right through you. I've seen you broken, remember? It wasn't too long ago I was having to keep your gun away from you. Dean, you haven't even had your gun, or your knife. You haven't had to sleep with anything under your pillow since we've got here. It's just not fair that we can't stay some place we are so safe at."

"Sam, please, lower your voice. Life isn't fair, okay? So, get over it."

"Really Dean? Really! Just because you feel like life hasn't been fair to you, doesn't mean it doesn't have to be fair to me. I'm so sick and tired of having to live off of your pain! Someone hurts you, someone does you wrong, and I have to pay for it? Oh yeah, that's right, it's so you can protect me, I forgot. Well guess what! Maybe I don't want your protection."

Was that an invisible knife that just stabbed Dean through the heart? "Maybe you can't protect me enough anymore. Maybe this is what I need, the protection of an actual family. Not a brother who acts like my mom, and dad. You could never be the man our dad was. You could never be that strong. Dad was right, that's all you're good for, being the woman of the house. You can't protect me from everything. You never have been able to. Your so-called protection, is just you putting yourself in danger, for me, instead of me."

"Sam." Dean had tried to warn him to lower his voice again. He was allowing his brother to vent, but didn't want him to wake everyone else up in the process. "Please, sit down."

"Stop Dean! Just stop! I don't need you to keep telling me what to do, I don't need you to protect me anymore. I don't need to continue feeling guilty that you keep getting hurt to 'protect' me. I'm my own person, I can make my own decisions in life, and, I chose to have a family. A home."

"That didn't work out so well for you last time, did it?"

"SHUT UP DEAN! Just shut up! Things are different now, there's no yellow eyed demon to kill like he did Jess. That's the only reason it didn't work, because of that damn demon. It's gone, you killed him. And I want another chance at a normal life. I hate the life we live. I always have! You know that."

"So, what are you going to do? Run away again?"

"No, I'm going to stay right where I'm at, and if you don't like it, well then, you can be the one to leave this time. I'm done running. I'm done running from the demons inside of your head. And, if that means that we're done being brothers, well then, that's what it means."

"Sam… you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do! And, the way I see it, if you get the same fucked up punishment for allowing me to separate from you as you did before, then maybe you deserve it? Besides, it's not like Dad is around anymore. He sacrificed himself, remember? He traded his life for you, didn't give a shit about me, didn't care that he was my father too."

Yep, that was definitely an invisible knife sticking out of Dean's chest. "It was all about Dean Winchester, his perfect soldier, something he would never get out of me. I was never that weak. I would never allow him to beat on me the way he did you. I would never allow him anywhere around me, especially sexually, I mean, how fucked up in the head does someone have to be to allow that, especially from his own father. I mean, I gotta say, Dean, at least in the home we got Beth from, it wasn't your own family. I saw you, when you got caught, you willingly let them do whatever the hell they wanted to do to you. You must have enjoyed it. Did you? Huh, Dean? Did you enjoy it?"

"Sam, please." Dean had eyes filled with tears, he was praying they wouldn't start falling. He hoped his brother didn't mean what he was saying, but honestly, he wasn't sure anymore.

No, he didn't enjoy it. He hated what they had done to him. He only allowed it the second time because he knew Sam had a job to do, he had to save Beth and, Dean being Dean, he sacrificed himself for the good. He hated what his dad done to him, and what he allowed to be done. Just the thought, would make him want to vomit.

He was finally feeling better. Feeling like he could conquer the world, but, Sam's words came crashing down around him. Leaving him feeling lost and desperate. He wasn't sure what he was desperate for, maybe for his dad? Maybe for the pain he felt he deserved? He wondered if he should just take care of that himself, the way he was taught. But in order to do that, he would have to get away from Sam, and right now, Sam had no desire to step away, not until he was finished venting all his feelings. Not until he was finished tearing his big brother to shreds.

But, he didn't have any words to respond back to Sam. He didn't have anything to defend himself with. He wasn't completely healed mentally, still broken, so, he didn't, he couldn't, disagree with what his brother was saying. He had stopped trying to convince him to lower his voice, that wasn't doing any good. Secretly, he had hoped Sam would wake Nancy, at least he would get a break from the pieces Sam was leaving shattered on the ground. He could get a break from the worthless piece of shit he was feeling.

He looked away, looked down at the floor, feeling that single tear drip from his eye, praying there wasn't more to come. He already felt like the crappiest person on earth, already weak as hell, and this, this damn tear, wasn't helping any.

"Well, did you? Or was it not as good not coming from your own dad?"

"Sam." Dean was sounding desperate to have Sam stop, but he didn't seem to notice, or care.

"Or maybe you just enjoyed the pain? At least you didn't have to self-inflict it, someone else took care of that for you. Don't worry, I know you swallowed all your so-called emotions with the bottles that littered the room. Just like Dad. You are more like him than I ever thought possible."

Dean couldn't even find it in himself to defend himself. "Even that anger in your eyes, the one that says you could shoot a bullet right through me, yeah, that's Dad. So, why don't you just get the hell out of my life? I don't want a fag hanging around me. You're so damn useless. All you do is try to be reckless, try to kill yourself or some stupid shit while on a hunt. And, I'm so tired of it, it's the same crap Dad always pulled, so he could have an excuse to drink his sorrows away."

'Please, Sam, please, don't do this. Don't push me away.' Dean begging in his mind.

"You've never been any different than him, always followed right there in his footsteps, being his perfectly trained little soldier, even his lover. If you like fucking guys so much, then just do it! But stop crying around about it, if it gets a little rough, deal with it Dean, isn't that what you've always done? Just dealt with it? Never let anything bother you? Swallowing whatever is put in your mouth?"

"Sam… what the hell man, seriously?"

"Yeah, Dean seriously, I'm done, I'm done with your crap! I'm done worrying about you. You know what? If you wanna off yourself, then just do it! Just freaking leave! Maybe you'll end up back in hell with your old friends, where you belong."

"You want me to leave?" Dean was absolutely heartbroken over the words his brother had said, he lowered his head.

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll be gone by morning." Dean said, in a quiet, saddened tone, trying to be tough, trying to not let the emotions out in front of Sam.

Sam's raised voice and angry words had woken Nancy, she stopped at the top of the stairs to listen to the brothers' conversation. She hated what she was hearing, but knew it was something that needed to be said. Both brothers, were broken.

Sam needed as much healing as Dean did. But, with Dean saying he would be gone by morning, meaning she wouldn't have a chance to talk some sense into the boys, had to intervein. She had to put a stop to this before Dean left, or worse, before he left and never returned, anywhere, for good.

Sam had told him to go off himself if that's what he wanted. And, basically, Sam had accused Dean of everything being his fault. He had accused him of enjoying all the pain and heartache he had been put through. Nancy knew better than to believe that, but also knew that was the words of their father ringing through Sam. Dean felt so sick, he just wanted to vomit at Sam's words. He wanted to give into his school girl attitude and just cry as hard as he could, but he wouldn't dare, not in front of Sam.

"Dean, Sam." Nancy said as she walked down the stairs, startling them both. "What in tarnation is going on down here?"

Dean was quick to speak, his normal behavior, "I'm sorry ma'am, we were just having a conversation and must have gotten too loud."

"Oh, really, Dean?" Nancy questioned. "As I can recall it was Sam's voice that woke me. Obviously upset over something." she looked over at Sam. "Wanna tell me what all that was about?"

"No ma'am." Sam replied, "just a conversation between two brothers."

"Look, boys, I wasn't born last night. You don't think I didn't hear you arguing? I didn't hear the beginning, but I sure as hell heard the middle and the end." She raised her eyebrows at Sam.

"I have nothing to apologize for." Sam replied.

Dean remained quiet. He hadn't said a word, nor had he planned to. His brother wanted him to leave, so he was going, and no one was going to stop him. He had said some things that ripped open every scar in his heart, leaving an aching in his chest. He had actually wished harm upon his brother, he had wished for him to be forced by a group of men, again. Sam had no idea what that was like. He only knew what his brother allowed him to see.

"I'm sorry ma'am." Dean stated. "When he gets upset, he gets a little loud."

"Dean, stop apologizing for your brother, he's a big boy, he can apologize if he feels the need." Damn, Nancy didn't mean to but she had just jabbed another knife into Dean's heart with that comment.

"Yes ma'am." was Dean's last response. He sat quiet the rest of the time, when asked a question all he would give was a nod or shake of his head, and sometimes a shoulder shrug.

"Okay, Dean, if you're going to shut down then I guess this conversation is over, for the both of you." Nancy said, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Yeah, whatever, no surprise there! Can't show any emotions or allow anyone to think you're human, can you Dean?" Sam said irritated.

Dean, remained quiet. Didn't move from his seat. They were in Dean's make shift room. "Good night Sam, good night Dean." Nancy had heard enough, she was putting a stop to the hurtful words Sam was saying. Sam, just rolled his eyes and headed upstairs.

"Night Nancy." he replied as he went into his room. He refused to say anything to his pain in the ass brother. He was pissed and meant every word he had already said.

Nancy turned to Dean before following Sam up the stairs, "You okay, Dean?" she asked.

He still didn't answer, just nodded his head slowly.

"Okay, well, you get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning. We'll talk then." She gave a loving pat to Dean's leg then turned to go upstairs to her room.

Dean remained planted in his seat. Thoughts running through his mind. Memories, hurting with the words Sam spoke. He waited to be sure that everyone was asleep. He quietly packed his few belongings into his duffle bag and made his way out of the home.

He took a long, hard breath, as he turned for one last look at the place he had called home. It was a lovely home, white siding with steps, lined by wooden rails that lead up to a porch that was as long as the front of the home, it had wooden rails all the way around it. Beds of flowers in front, the same as the back.

He hated leaving this home. He really did find it comforting and enjoyed the family life, but, with the words Sam said, knowing he meant every one of them. He couldn't stay. If that's what his little brother wanted, then that's what he was going to get. He closed the doors to the impala quietly, but couldn't help the sound of his engine starting. He had hoped it didn't wake the others as he left the driveway, hitting the road.

He shed, one little tear, wiping it away, he decided he wasn't going to look back, wasn't going to waste his time on his brother anymore. He had been opened, honest, more than ever before, with both Sam and Nancy, and this is where it led him. On the road, alone.


End file.
